I "moved in" in mid-June. Sounds funny, since I've been living in this house for a little over a year now.
Long story short, I (and my kids) moved in with my parents when I got out of the Navy. Then the economy tanked. Suck. A little after the first of the year, they started looking for a new place. For them. They were semi-looking before we moved in, but then stopped. But really, it was a buyer's market out there. They found their house. . . and moved in mid-June. Really, it's perfect for them. And so, ten months after arriving (with only a carload of stuff, since we only planned to stay a month or two) we finally got our stuff. Seriously, people, I mean everything. It was August. I was planning to stay here for two months. . . I hardly even brought any clothes. I didn't use my own sheets, towels, or kitchen stuff for ten months.
So anyway. The move-in was in June. I think I'm about done moving in. . . We just won't talk about my bedroom, okay? Thanks. Our previous house was in military housing in San Diego. It was a 3-story, three bedroom house. So the house had a lot of space, and a lot of storage. I used it. The condo we're in now is 2 bedroom, 2 bath. It was hard, at first, to fit everything in. The boys' room looks okay, but it is squished. Bunk beds will be needed when Z grows out of his toddler bed. Part of the reason for the squish-ness is the amount of closet space in there. It just doesn't allow for as much furniture. . . I am mostly happy with the living room. I don't have a very good TV stand, though. I can only open one door at a time because it's not strong enough to hold the TV up without support. . . . and there's not enough room for all of the movies that we have, so there's a bookshelf next to it. It can't really stay there, because when winter comes we won't be able to turn on the fireplace. . . but that's a puzzle for another day. I combined the dining room with a play area. For the most part, it works. I'm missing my books, but that's a discussion for another day, too. In the old house, I had two book cases of my books - not counting the encyclopedia - and books just sitting everywhere, too. The boys had a bookcase downstairs, and a bookcase upstairs. Most of my books are now in boxes, with no place to go. One of the book cases died in transit. The boys' small one turned into the video shelving. And the other one of mine moved into the boys' room. I miss my books. Think I said that, but it's worth saying again because I love books and I love reading.
So the reason for writing this blog is that Heather recently posted about her desk. It was a blog inspired by another blogger. Whoa. I might have to slow down here. The first blog was about organization, and asked for photographs and descriptions of readers' desks. Heather photographed her computer area, desk, and bulletin board. Then she described the significance of the pictures/ posters, and the uses of all that stuff. I happen to like stuff. . . Office supplies, knicknacks, pictures. You should have seen my desk drawer / desktop at work on the ship!
Anyway, the post got me thinking. There's a little something I need. Not office supplies. I've got enough cool stuff to last a while. . . but there's something else missing.
What I am missing is a desk. Since I got an internet connection at home, it has become a need. I used to sit at the table with my computer and books. I did homework, research, and worked in my online class. But the internet signals that I got were unreliable, and I was always nervous. Once I even lost signal during a quiz! So I finally got internet here at home. . . But I am also tethered to the wall! I sit in my chair. . .a very comfy one, but still. No room on my lap for the computer and a book. . . and it's hard to take notes. . . I need a desk!
I've talked to my dad about it. Even looked at several desks. I don't want to spend a lot of money. He doesn't mind helping because he doesn't want me to get a cheap desk that will fall apart before I even graduate. Okay, I get it. Makes sense. . . So where do we get a not cheap, not expensive desk? One that looks nice. . . Has storage. . . A file drawer. . . and room to work. . . It's proving to be difficult. I don't want it to be too big, since it has to go in the living room. Yes. Not ideal, but my room is full. Okay, so right now it's full of crap, but we weren't going to talk about that. Even once things have been organized, donated, and put away, there's no room in there. All of the crap that is currently taking up space is in front of the closets. So there's nowhere in my bedroom for a desk. There is a large stretch of wall here in the living room that is empty. The desk either goes there, or my chair and end table (with lamp and phone) move down the wall, and the desk goes in the corner. Two choices. Great. Now all I need is the desk. Ugh.
I guess it doesn't help that I'm picky. The furniture in my house doesn't necessarily go together. But i have some nice pieces. I want my desk to look good, since it's going to be in the main room of the house. That means hidden storage. A drawer or cabinet is a must-have. I want a file drawer to go along with that, too. Did I mention that I don't want the desk to look like crap? Yeah, that's important. And do you know what? I can't find it! Seriously. Target and Walmart fail. Staples lost the "easy button". . . and Office Max and Office Depot. . . if it's inexpensive, it's crap, or useless. . . and if it's nice and functional, it's either over $250, or it's huge. . . or both!
Ugh. Well, for me, it's just about time to go. Have to put everything away - school books, binder, and stuff - before I bring the boys home. I don't think they really understand why I read these books, or what I'm doing on the computer. They only use computers for games, and don't understand email or homework. Oh, well. We'll get there. Maybe it will be easier to show them when I get a desk.
Someday.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Still working out. . . or trying to!
As I talked about last week, I won't ever be a runner. I'm okay with that. I still think running is good, I just can't/don't do it. . .
I will say again that I am proud of Heather for running. . . even with everything else going on. I read her most recent blog today. It was about blogging and running. She loves getting comments on her blog. I do, too. It makes me feel like I'm not just talking to myself, here. And comments give me a confidence boost. . . Anyway, back to Heather. She's an old friend from the dancing years. Well, originally, she was my sister's friend. I was the younger one, looking up to everyone who was beautiful, graceful and talented. The little sister who loved to dance but wasn't very good at it. . . Anyway, she found me on Facebook a while back and I started following her blog.
She's been through a lot, and is still struggling. I thought I'd give her a little confidence boost. . . let her know that someone was reading her blog, and proud of her for running, on top of everything else - family, work, and a recent sprained ankle - while running!
The "comment" that I wrote for her blog turned in to more of a blurb, and it felt more like a mini-blog, so I thought I'd put it here:
I have bad ankles, too. First was dancing, then martial arts, and then the Navy, with all that marching and running. . .
Nothing has happened in a while, but I have plenty of memories of incidents like this - and worse! Be glad there wasn't a pack of people behind you... and yelling.
Being alone when it happens is bad, too. I just remember the crowd - Hey! I'm hurt here. Anyone want to help? Yeah, it sucked. They never stopped to help.
Good for you for getting back up, though. I usually just limped away. Out of class, or away from the PT session.
I think about running sometimes. Usually right after my shower in the morning when I'm awake and energized. That's when the boys are asleep, though. No one else in the house. When I get home from school, I've just been to curves. No desire to run then, or after my online class, when it's hot out. . .
Well, anyway. I guess this is less of a comment, and more like a long blurb. Oh, well. Hope the ankle gets better soon. Good job with the running!
****
So I am still going to Curves - with the exception of Monday and Tuesday. I feel good after my workout. So good that I wish I could do something else. . . but I don't have time. I have to come home and do homework and laundry and all that other stuff. There is a part of me that wishes I could be a runner. They always look so good. . . but it's never been me.
I still see no physical evidence of my workouts, except for the good feelings I get. It's a little frustrating. I know that it doesn't happen overnight, but still. I feel better. Shouldn't I start to look better?
So it's only been a few weeks. . . with days missed here and there for sick kids and school, I think I'm doing pretty good. I'm about ten pounds down from my heaviest. . . but that's where I've been hovering.
I am doing other things to help, too. . . Cutting out sodas helped for a while, but I replaced the sodas with tea. Just as much sugar and caffeine. I'm going to try sparkling water next week, since I can't drink too much water. I know it's good for me, I've just never been a fan. I need flavor. And a lot of the time, I need carbonation, too. I'm also trying to eat better, but it's hard. The boys eat "kid food". So most nights I eat a lot of fruits or vegetables, and try to have only a little bit of the dinner. Not easy when I've worked out and been busy busy, because it makes me hungry. I'm getting closer though. I know it.
I just have to remember why, and then it's easier to change the habits.
**I want to be healthy. ** I want to look good. ** I want my clothes to fit. **
I keep the goals in mind, and things do get easier. Someday soon I'll blog about being 15, then 20 pounds down. I'll get to that goal weight, and wear my clothes again. You know, all of those clothes from when I used to work out all the time, and it wasn't so hard. . . When I was in the Navy, before getting out. Someday I'll start blogging about what all of that was like - underway, deployments, and all of the people I miss.
Anyway, time for me to go. Still feel good from earlier, so maybe I'll take the boys to the park and do some real-world working out. . . . Maybe. And maybe I'll just go and take my book . . .
~ Janis
I will say again that I am proud of Heather for running. . . even with everything else going on. I read her most recent blog today. It was about blogging and running. She loves getting comments on her blog. I do, too. It makes me feel like I'm not just talking to myself, here. And comments give me a confidence boost. . . Anyway, back to Heather. She's an old friend from the dancing years. Well, originally, she was my sister's friend. I was the younger one, looking up to everyone who was beautiful, graceful and talented. The little sister who loved to dance but wasn't very good at it. . . Anyway, she found me on Facebook a while back and I started following her blog.
She's been through a lot, and is still struggling. I thought I'd give her a little confidence boost. . . let her know that someone was reading her blog, and proud of her for running, on top of everything else - family, work, and a recent sprained ankle - while running!
The "comment" that I wrote for her blog turned in to more of a blurb, and it felt more like a mini-blog, so I thought I'd put it here:
I have bad ankles, too. First was dancing, then martial arts, and then the Navy, with all that marching and running. . .
Nothing has happened in a while, but I have plenty of memories of incidents like this - and worse! Be glad there wasn't a pack of people behind you... and yelling.
Being alone when it happens is bad, too. I just remember the crowd - Hey! I'm hurt here. Anyone want to help? Yeah, it sucked. They never stopped to help.
Good for you for getting back up, though. I usually just limped away. Out of class, or away from the PT session.
I think about running sometimes. Usually right after my shower in the morning when I'm awake and energized. That's when the boys are asleep, though. No one else in the house. When I get home from school, I've just been to curves. No desire to run then, or after my online class, when it's hot out. . .
Well, anyway. I guess this is less of a comment, and more like a long blurb. Oh, well. Hope the ankle gets better soon. Good job with the running!
****
So I am still going to Curves - with the exception of Monday and Tuesday. I feel good after my workout. So good that I wish I could do something else. . . but I don't have time. I have to come home and do homework and laundry and all that other stuff. There is a part of me that wishes I could be a runner. They always look so good. . . but it's never been me.
I still see no physical evidence of my workouts, except for the good feelings I get. It's a little frustrating. I know that it doesn't happen overnight, but still. I feel better. Shouldn't I start to look better?
So it's only been a few weeks. . . with days missed here and there for sick kids and school, I think I'm doing pretty good. I'm about ten pounds down from my heaviest. . . but that's where I've been hovering.
I am doing other things to help, too. . . Cutting out sodas helped for a while, but I replaced the sodas with tea. Just as much sugar and caffeine. I'm going to try sparkling water next week, since I can't drink too much water. I know it's good for me, I've just never been a fan. I need flavor. And a lot of the time, I need carbonation, too. I'm also trying to eat better, but it's hard. The boys eat "kid food". So most nights I eat a lot of fruits or vegetables, and try to have only a little bit of the dinner. Not easy when I've worked out and been busy busy, because it makes me hungry. I'm getting closer though. I know it.
I just have to remember why, and then it's easier to change the habits.
**I want to be healthy. ** I want to look good. ** I want my clothes to fit. **
I keep the goals in mind, and things do get easier. Someday soon I'll blog about being 15, then 20 pounds down. I'll get to that goal weight, and wear my clothes again. You know, all of those clothes from when I used to work out all the time, and it wasn't so hard. . . When I was in the Navy, before getting out. Someday I'll start blogging about what all of that was like - underway, deployments, and all of the people I miss.
Anyway, time for me to go. Still feel good from earlier, so maybe I'll take the boys to the park and do some real-world working out. . . . Maybe. And maybe I'll just go and take my book . . .
~ Janis
LATE. . . for the First day of school . . .
J is 5 years old. Should have started Kindergarten on Monday. Didn't. Today was his first day. How do you miss the first day of school? Easy. Be "sick" during a time when the schools are freaked out about every kind of illness that might be contagious. Okay, I get it. We have the Swine Flu coming, and at the beginning of every year, there are new kids with new germs. . . but really? Yeah, it's been a long week.
So, here's the story:
Last week, say on Thursday, I noticed some funny bumps on J's face. Weird, I thought. They looked like zits. There were only two, and they were on his forehead. I didn't think very much of it. . . Until Saturday, when he had more "bumps" - on his arms, and a few on his legs. Oh, great. We were out with friends, and I was just starting to wonder if this was something serious. The other mother said it could be a mild case of the Chicken Pox. Really? That would suck. But, wait. Wouldn't he have a fever and feel crappy if this was the Chicken pox?
Okay, so Sunday I took him to a clinic. He sure wasn't acting sick! Bouncing off the walls, goofy, and noisy. . . but I had to know if it was Chicken Pox or not, and whether or not he could go to school! Well, I do have to say that since I "suspected" Chicken Pox, they took us out of the waiting room and into an exam room really quick! Like, before we even sat down and got out a book! We still had to wait forever for a nurse, and then the doctor, but I appreciated not being in the waiting room.
So it turns out, he didn't have Chicken Pox. The doctor said that it was a "Skin infection". Um, okay. What? A skin infection can be caused by any bacteria that get inside your skin. Hmm, okay. Once it's in there, it spreads out. That's why he had bumps from his head to his legs. I'm not too confused as to how he got it, since he bites his nails, picks any sores he has, and is constantly touching his face, hands, legs. . . . What I don't get is why he couldn't go to school. Yes, technically it was "contagious". But, for another kid to get the same infection, they would have to get the bacteria from inside J's skin and put it inside their skin. I know kids are weird, but isn't that pretty unlikely?
Well, anyway. It was doctor's orders. No school. So, Monday morning, my Dad came over. I have perfect attendance, and Monday is a test day for me. So he kept J - actually, took him out, since he really wasn't sick, and J loved his grandpa's truck. It was tough to get Z out of the house, but we both made it to school on time -- and I got a 100% on my test! On Tuesday, my Mom came. Both days, J was very well behaved. . . until I got home. He didn't want to listen, and wouldn't be quiet. . . I couldn't get any studying done at all. So I decided that since he didn't feel sick, and didn't act sick, there was really no reason for him to be home any longer! He's on antibiotics, and the "bumps" are almost gone, anyway. Time to get him out of the house!
Today was his first day of Kindergarten. The plan was to take Z to daycare a little early, and then have some breakfast at McD's. Well, there's just this problem with making plans. Crap happens. The boys didn't go to bed last night . . . and didn't want to wake up this morning. It was one of those days that I just could not get them out the door! By the time we dropped Z off, we were running late. We had to drive through McD's and eat quick. I felt tingles as we got out of the car. I'm taking my "little man" to his first day of school! Just tingles, though. No tears. We walked to the classroom and he hung up his backpack. Put his nametag on, and I took a picture. All of the other kids were sitting down, and he joined them. After another picture and a quick "Bye!" . . . I was out the door. Surprisingly, I did not get emotional. I was just excited. I was a little bit nervous at first, but he told me on the way to the class that he remembered where the bathroom was, and his teacher assured me that she would see him to the bus for the first day. Guess those are two very important points. Don't pee your pants, and don't go home with a stranger. . . So far, so good.
Well, that was The first day of school . . . two days late, but still. He made it. One day down, thirteen years to go - but I don't think we need to tell him that quite yet. . . .
Guess that's it for now.
Until next time,
~ Janis
So, here's the story:
Last week, say on Thursday, I noticed some funny bumps on J's face. Weird, I thought. They looked like zits. There were only two, and they were on his forehead. I didn't think very much of it. . . Until Saturday, when he had more "bumps" - on his arms, and a few on his legs. Oh, great. We were out with friends, and I was just starting to wonder if this was something serious. The other mother said it could be a mild case of the Chicken Pox. Really? That would suck. But, wait. Wouldn't he have a fever and feel crappy if this was the Chicken pox?
Okay, so Sunday I took him to a clinic. He sure wasn't acting sick! Bouncing off the walls, goofy, and noisy. . . but I had to know if it was Chicken Pox or not, and whether or not he could go to school! Well, I do have to say that since I "suspected" Chicken Pox, they took us out of the waiting room and into an exam room really quick! Like, before we even sat down and got out a book! We still had to wait forever for a nurse, and then the doctor, but I appreciated not being in the waiting room.
So it turns out, he didn't have Chicken Pox. The doctor said that it was a "Skin infection". Um, okay. What? A skin infection can be caused by any bacteria that get inside your skin. Hmm, okay. Once it's in there, it spreads out. That's why he had bumps from his head to his legs. I'm not too confused as to how he got it, since he bites his nails, picks any sores he has, and is constantly touching his face, hands, legs. . . . What I don't get is why he couldn't go to school. Yes, technically it was "contagious". But, for another kid to get the same infection, they would have to get the bacteria from inside J's skin and put it inside their skin. I know kids are weird, but isn't that pretty unlikely?
Well, anyway. It was doctor's orders. No school. So, Monday morning, my Dad came over. I have perfect attendance, and Monday is a test day for me. So he kept J - actually, took him out, since he really wasn't sick, and J loved his grandpa's truck. It was tough to get Z out of the house, but we both made it to school on time -- and I got a 100% on my test! On Tuesday, my Mom came. Both days, J was very well behaved. . . until I got home. He didn't want to listen, and wouldn't be quiet. . . I couldn't get any studying done at all. So I decided that since he didn't feel sick, and didn't act sick, there was really no reason for him to be home any longer! He's on antibiotics, and the "bumps" are almost gone, anyway. Time to get him out of the house!
Today was his first day of Kindergarten. The plan was to take Z to daycare a little early, and then have some breakfast at McD's. Well, there's just this problem with making plans. Crap happens. The boys didn't go to bed last night . . . and didn't want to wake up this morning. It was one of those days that I just could not get them out the door! By the time we dropped Z off, we were running late. We had to drive through McD's and eat quick. I felt tingles as we got out of the car. I'm taking my "little man" to his first day of school! Just tingles, though. No tears. We walked to the classroom and he hung up his backpack. Put his nametag on, and I took a picture. All of the other kids were sitting down, and he joined them. After another picture and a quick "Bye!" . . . I was out the door. Surprisingly, I did not get emotional. I was just excited. I was a little bit nervous at first, but he told me on the way to the class that he remembered where the bathroom was, and his teacher assured me that she would see him to the bus for the first day. Guess those are two very important points. Don't pee your pants, and don't go home with a stranger. . . So far, so good.
Well, that was The first day of school . . . two days late, but still. He made it. One day down, thirteen years to go - but I don't think we need to tell him that quite yet. . . .
Guess that's it for now.
Until next time,
~ Janis
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Still not a runner!
I have a friend . . . actually the same friend who convinced me to start my blog. . . who runs. You know, like in the morning, before work. . . "I was run-ning!" I don't do that. It sounds great, and I am happy for her, but I have never been a runner. She says she wasn't a runner, either. She just started running a few months ago, and some days she's still dragging herself. I'm really proud of her, but it's not me. Aside from the fact that if I ran in the morning before school, my kids would be home alone, there are also other issues.
I was in the Navy for seven years. I went to Boot Camp. But I always hated running. I could march till my feet went numb, but just did not want to run. I don't know exactly why. . . The jarring, maybe? The repetitive motion? Maybe because it's just boring? Whatever the reasons, I have just never been a runner.
There are more things to do to get in shape than run . . . walk, swim, go to the gym! For a while now, it has been time to start doing some of those things. I've spent a lot of time not liking the person in the mirror. It's really hard to get started, though. . . . Especially when you're dealing with so many issues.
I don't want to make excuses for myself, but I do have issues. I am a single mom. I've been working on moving in and getting organized. And for a long time, I've been depressed. This recent bout of depression started when I left my ship last May. I left the ship, my friends, my job. . . and I stood on the pier and watched them sail away. Then I did almost nothing at all while I waited to get out of the Navy. That's when I sank into a deep depression. When I moved here, and moved in with my parents, it was nearly as bad. I had nothing to do; no job, no purpose.
The boredom, depression, and overeating took their toll. I knew that it wasn't good for me, but never had the energy to do anything about it. I became more aware of my health and what I had done to my body when I started school again. And then I was ready to change it!
I know that I am going to struggle for a long time. Before the ship left, I worked out three days a week in port, and every day (sometimes twice) underway. . . I may not get back to that level again, but I will get that body back. Especially now that I have all of my old clothes . . . yeah, an entire closetful that I didn't see for almost a year. I will wear those clothes again.
So, for some good news. My parents don't even know this. . . I joined Curves. I might have joined a gym for less money, but I don't really like the gym. So much equipment. No routine makes it all too overwhelming. My aunt gave me a free week a while back . . . so I took it, and loved it! So, when my parents were on vacation, I joined. I didn't tell them, because I didn't want to hear any negativity about the money, or time management and studying. I'll tell them when there is a noticeable difference in my body -- or if they read this, I guess the secret's out!
Right now I feel great. I don't see any difference in my body yet, but I feel a difference in myself. I have energy, and it's not so much of a chore to go and exercise. The workouts are getting easier, too. I didn't go at all last week. . . I was just exhausted studying and taking finals.
I'm back now, and plan on going, and going, and going. Some days I feel so good that I wish I could do a second half-hour workout later in the day. I'm only down ten pounds from my heaviest, but with the changes to my eating habits, and cutting down on sodas, I hope to keep going down. Hopefully the physical changes will start soon.
Well, that's all for now. I hope it continues to get easier. Maybe someday they'll let me do two workouts in a day. . . For now, one workout and some good food is enough. . .
Maybe I would change faster if I did more, but I'm still not a runner!
Guess that's all for now!
~ Janis
I was in the Navy for seven years. I went to Boot Camp. But I always hated running. I could march till my feet went numb, but just did not want to run. I don't know exactly why. . . The jarring, maybe? The repetitive motion? Maybe because it's just boring? Whatever the reasons, I have just never been a runner.
There are more things to do to get in shape than run . . . walk, swim, go to the gym! For a while now, it has been time to start doing some of those things. I've spent a lot of time not liking the person in the mirror. It's really hard to get started, though. . . . Especially when you're dealing with so many issues.
I don't want to make excuses for myself, but I do have issues. I am a single mom. I've been working on moving in and getting organized. And for a long time, I've been depressed. This recent bout of depression started when I left my ship last May. I left the ship, my friends, my job. . . and I stood on the pier and watched them sail away. Then I did almost nothing at all while I waited to get out of the Navy. That's when I sank into a deep depression. When I moved here, and moved in with my parents, it was nearly as bad. I had nothing to do; no job, no purpose.
The boredom, depression, and overeating took their toll. I knew that it wasn't good for me, but never had the energy to do anything about it. I became more aware of my health and what I had done to my body when I started school again. And then I was ready to change it!
I know that I am going to struggle for a long time. Before the ship left, I worked out three days a week in port, and every day (sometimes twice) underway. . . I may not get back to that level again, but I will get that body back. Especially now that I have all of my old clothes . . . yeah, an entire closetful that I didn't see for almost a year. I will wear those clothes again.
So, for some good news. My parents don't even know this. . . I joined Curves. I might have joined a gym for less money, but I don't really like the gym. So much equipment. No routine makes it all too overwhelming. My aunt gave me a free week a while back . . . so I took it, and loved it! So, when my parents were on vacation, I joined. I didn't tell them, because I didn't want to hear any negativity about the money, or time management and studying. I'll tell them when there is a noticeable difference in my body -- or if they read this, I guess the secret's out!
Right now I feel great. I don't see any difference in my body yet, but I feel a difference in myself. I have energy, and it's not so much of a chore to go and exercise. The workouts are getting easier, too. I didn't go at all last week. . . I was just exhausted studying and taking finals.
I'm back now, and plan on going, and going, and going. Some days I feel so good that I wish I could do a second half-hour workout later in the day. I'm only down ten pounds from my heaviest, but with the changes to my eating habits, and cutting down on sodas, I hope to keep going down. Hopefully the physical changes will start soon.
Well, that's all for now. I hope it continues to get easier. Maybe someday they'll let me do two workouts in a day. . . For now, one workout and some good food is enough. . .
Maybe I would change faster if I did more, but I'm still not a runner!
Guess that's all for now!
~ Janis
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
What about Z?
I realized, in re-reading yesterday's blog, that I talked about a lot of things going on. . . but didn't mention Z at all. I can't let that happen, so this blog will be all about him.
Z is 4 years old. I can't believe he's so old. He still seems like my baby. . . Even though I know that he is not. He's growing all the time, and often says things that surprise me!
In his mind, he knows that he is growing up. But in his heart, he still wants to be little. You get to play more, and don't have so much work to do. He already knows that his brother is too big sometimes to play with me (piggyback, wrestling, or just getting tossed around).
Back a few months ago, he like being "little" and you couldn't call him a big boy, or say that he was growing up. . . because he would correct you and tell you adamantly that he was not big - he was little. He also called little things "Z- sized". If there was a small bite of something, or just a little bit left of a drink, it was "Z-sized" and automatically his. I miss that a little bit. . . but glad that he knows that he needs to grow up.
Next week, Z will move in to the 4's room (aka Pre-K) at the Daycare. He has been in the 3's since we moved last August. He will be leaving his teacher, but moving on. Learning new things. Making new friends. I think it is exciting. He's not quite as crazy about the 4's teacher (and neither am I) but I'm sure that we'll make it.
Another thing about Z: He loves me! I know that JR does, too. . . but I am glad to be able to say that I have a different relationship with each of my boys. Their personalities are different, so our relationships are different.
There's just one sad part -- aside from him growing up and not being so cute and cuddly (and tossable) anymore -- He doesn't have a dad who is present. The "Dad issue" could be a whole blog. . . maybe it will be soon. My point is that it's just me here - taking care of them, teaching them . . . I had help (and a safety net) when my parents were here. Now that they've moved, we have more freedom, and we all have our own spaces. It's easier overall, but also harder on me. More stress, and a bigger possibility of failure.
Z is so cute and innocent. JR is growing up. Every time I see how they're learning and changing I'm afraid I'm going to screw them up. I know that this post was supposed to be about Z since I neglected to talk about him yesterday, but here I am. Back on me and my insecurities.
Well, there are enough of them . . . but not enough time to put any more in this blog. It is the boys' story time. . . and then I want to do some more studying before I go to bed. I'm talking to myself, anyway. The pessimist thinks no one is really reading this, so why am I "talking" as if there is? Oh, well.
More next time. . . about school, the house, or maybe I'll even talk about N. . . . We'll just have to see what kind of mood I'm in and what comes out when I start typing!
~ J
Z is 4 years old. I can't believe he's so old. He still seems like my baby. . . Even though I know that he is not. He's growing all the time, and often says things that surprise me!
In his mind, he knows that he is growing up. But in his heart, he still wants to be little. You get to play more, and don't have so much work to do. He already knows that his brother is too big sometimes to play with me (piggyback, wrestling, or just getting tossed around).
Back a few months ago, he like being "little" and you couldn't call him a big boy, or say that he was growing up. . . because he would correct you and tell you adamantly that he was not big - he was little. He also called little things "Z- sized". If there was a small bite of something, or just a little bit left of a drink, it was "Z-sized" and automatically his. I miss that a little bit. . . but glad that he knows that he needs to grow up.
Next week, Z will move in to the 4's room (aka Pre-K) at the Daycare. He has been in the 3's since we moved last August. He will be leaving his teacher, but moving on. Learning new things. Making new friends. I think it is exciting. He's not quite as crazy about the 4's teacher (and neither am I) but I'm sure that we'll make it.
Another thing about Z: He loves me! I know that JR does, too. . . but I am glad to be able to say that I have a different relationship with each of my boys. Their personalities are different, so our relationships are different.
There's just one sad part -- aside from him growing up and not being so cute and cuddly (and tossable) anymore -- He doesn't have a dad who is present. The "Dad issue" could be a whole blog. . . maybe it will be soon. My point is that it's just me here - taking care of them, teaching them . . . I had help (and a safety net) when my parents were here. Now that they've moved, we have more freedom, and we all have our own spaces. It's easier overall, but also harder on me. More stress, and a bigger possibility of failure.
Z is so cute and innocent. JR is growing up. Every time I see how they're learning and changing I'm afraid I'm going to screw them up. I know that this post was supposed to be about Z since I neglected to talk about him yesterday, but here I am. Back on me and my insecurities.
Well, there are enough of them . . . but not enough time to put any more in this blog. It is the boys' story time. . . and then I want to do some more studying before I go to bed. I'm talking to myself, anyway. The pessimist thinks no one is really reading this, so why am I "talking" as if there is? Oh, well.
More next time. . . about school, the house, or maybe I'll even talk about N. . . . We'll just have to see what kind of mood I'm in and what comes out when I start typing!
~ J
Monday, August 17, 2009
Updates . . . and a few rants.
Well, wow. It has been over a month since I last posted. It's been a bit of a whirlwind around here. Since it's been a while, I guess I'll update first. Then, I hope I can settle in to a more regular schedule to blog about thoughts, feelings, and stuff that's happening.
So, just in general, things are starting to go well. Here's the nutshell:
We have bedtime issues. . . J is about to start Kindergarten. . . I just started a new term in school . . . The house/ job / financial burdens are finally beginning to ease.
Yes, we still have big bedtime issues, so if anyone has any good ideas, send them my way. We take a bath, put on jammies, and brush teeth. After I read to them, the lights are turned down and I close the door. It stays quiet for 2-5 minutes. Then starts the fighting and constantly coming out of the room. Have to go potty, need a hug, he hit me, why aren't you in bed, can I have a snack, etc. etc. And if it's not all of that, then they are in their room - being nice to each other, but playing, laughing, and not sleeping. Ugh. So tired. On nights when I have things to do, it's the in and out game. On the nights when I'm trying to go to bed, they're playing (and making a huge mess) and I can't sleep. I really am ready for this to end. I've even tried getting the daycare to keep them up from nap. A few times J has crashed on those evenings, but most of the time it's the same nightmare as usual, with the added bonus that they don't eat dinner, and don't play nicely during the evening. The next morning, they can't get out of bed. There have been several days that I've packed their clothes in a bag and carried them to the car in pajamas.
J starts Kindergarten on Monday! I am so excited. . . and concerned. I am worried that he's not ready. He is still so goofy. I wonder if he'll be able to sit still and pay attention. He has spent a lot of time this summer in the Kindergarten / First grade class and the teacher always tells me he does great. I know that he is smart enough - he just has to focus and follow through. There are other thoughts that I have about Kindergarten, too . . . like Wow. Do I really have a Kindergarten-er? I know it sounds cliche, but I remember when he was born and started crawling and talking. It doesn't seem like so long ago. . . Okay, enough of that. My other thoughts on school are about how hard it's going to be. School for my kids is going to be way different than it was for me. Our public schools are suffering more than anyone else in this budget crisis. I have heard some scary facts lately -- like this: 60% of the budget cuts were to schools! That's very scary! That's Art and Music programs, Physical Education (when our kids need it most) and funding for supplies. Yes, supplies. You would not believe the list that I got for a Kindergarten-er to start school. It was nuts. We bought it all, though. Sanitizer, wipes, 10 gluesticks, dry erase markers, highlighters, paper plates, etc. etc. The list was almost a full page - and most of it was for classroom / teacher use. It is upsetting. I am sure that the cuts are felt more deeply in the higher grades. . . Kindergarten, after all, is only a few hours a day. I can imagine what is happening at the High Schools right now. I have a friend who is an English teacher. I believe she mentioned having 40 students in a class this year. . . It saddens me, and I hope that other parents are concerned.
I also just started a new term in school. It happens fast. The terms are six weeks long. . . This is my fourth term. There are nine terms and an externship in the program. Each term contains two classes, or six units. One PT course (pharmacy technology) and one GE class. This term is Pharmacy Terminology and Sociology. I'm excited about Terminology. It's foundation knowledge, and seems to be easy. The term also comes with NO spelling tests!! I am not quite as enthusiastic about Sociology. It looks like it's going to be a little daunting. More work, research, and much heavier discussion topics.
More work + less time = extra stress. How am I going to do more, and do it right, when I was barely making it before? Hmm.
Well, it's not just about more schoolwork. I also have work to do now. I will be starting a work-study job at school soon. So there's more homework to do, less time to do it. I'll be spending less time at home, and less time with the boys. J is starting Kindergarten, and I need to have time to work with him and make sure he is focused and learning. When am I going to do that? Who knows. I'm sure I'll find the time once we get going, but thinking about all of it is overwhelming.
One thing that is not overwhelming any more is my financial situation. I don't want to go in to a lot of detail here, but I do feel like a huge weight has recently been lifted off of me. For a while I had to wonder how I was going to make rent, buy groceries, and pay bills on the GI Bill. Now there is a "new" GI Bill, and my burdens are much lighter. I am also looking forward to working at school. I'll have less time, I know, but not as many worries. I don't have to go shopping with my parents because the boys need clothes or school supplies that I can't afford. I didn't like feeling like I couldn't take care of all of those things for myself. We're not going to be rolling in dough, but once things are settled, we will have enough. That makes me feel good.
Wow. Long blog. Thanks to those of you who made it all the way through. So, in a nutshell, things are getting better. My kids are growing up, and we are all excited about school. The house is (more) organized, and easier to maintain now that (almost) everything is unpacked and put away. The only big issue that we still have is bedtime, and I am confident that we will get there.
I feel better. Like I'm just letting go of all of this stuff that I needed to talk about. It's like therapy, only instead of going somewhere and having someone ask me all kinds of questions, I'm sitting in my own chair. . . just saying the things I need to say. My hands hurt, but that's easier to shake off than a stress headache.
Until next time . . . .
~ J
So, just in general, things are starting to go well. Here's the nutshell:
We have bedtime issues. . . J is about to start Kindergarten. . . I just started a new term in school . . . The house/ job / financial burdens are finally beginning to ease.
Yes, we still have big bedtime issues, so if anyone has any good ideas, send them my way. We take a bath, put on jammies, and brush teeth. After I read to them, the lights are turned down and I close the door. It stays quiet for 2-5 minutes. Then starts the fighting and constantly coming out of the room. Have to go potty, need a hug, he hit me, why aren't you in bed, can I have a snack, etc. etc. And if it's not all of that, then they are in their room - being nice to each other, but playing, laughing, and not sleeping. Ugh. So tired. On nights when I have things to do, it's the in and out game. On the nights when I'm trying to go to bed, they're playing (and making a huge mess) and I can't sleep. I really am ready for this to end. I've even tried getting the daycare to keep them up from nap. A few times J has crashed on those evenings, but most of the time it's the same nightmare as usual, with the added bonus that they don't eat dinner, and don't play nicely during the evening. The next morning, they can't get out of bed. There have been several days that I've packed their clothes in a bag and carried them to the car in pajamas.
J starts Kindergarten on Monday! I am so excited. . . and concerned. I am worried that he's not ready. He is still so goofy. I wonder if he'll be able to sit still and pay attention. He has spent a lot of time this summer in the Kindergarten / First grade class and the teacher always tells me he does great. I know that he is smart enough - he just has to focus and follow through. There are other thoughts that I have about Kindergarten, too . . . like Wow. Do I really have a Kindergarten-er? I know it sounds cliche, but I remember when he was born and started crawling and talking. It doesn't seem like so long ago. . . Okay, enough of that. My other thoughts on school are about how hard it's going to be. School for my kids is going to be way different than it was for me. Our public schools are suffering more than anyone else in this budget crisis. I have heard some scary facts lately -- like this: 60% of the budget cuts were to schools! That's very scary! That's Art and Music programs, Physical Education (when our kids need it most) and funding for supplies. Yes, supplies. You would not believe the list that I got for a Kindergarten-er to start school. It was nuts. We bought it all, though. Sanitizer, wipes, 10 gluesticks, dry erase markers, highlighters, paper plates, etc. etc. The list was almost a full page - and most of it was for classroom / teacher use. It is upsetting. I am sure that the cuts are felt more deeply in the higher grades. . . Kindergarten, after all, is only a few hours a day. I can imagine what is happening at the High Schools right now. I have a friend who is an English teacher. I believe she mentioned having 40 students in a class this year. . . It saddens me, and I hope that other parents are concerned.
I also just started a new term in school. It happens fast. The terms are six weeks long. . . This is my fourth term. There are nine terms and an externship in the program. Each term contains two classes, or six units. One PT course (pharmacy technology) and one GE class. This term is Pharmacy Terminology and Sociology. I'm excited about Terminology. It's foundation knowledge, and seems to be easy. The term also comes with NO spelling tests!! I am not quite as enthusiastic about Sociology. It looks like it's going to be a little daunting. More work, research, and much heavier discussion topics.
More work + less time = extra stress. How am I going to do more, and do it right, when I was barely making it before? Hmm.
Well, it's not just about more schoolwork. I also have work to do now. I will be starting a work-study job at school soon. So there's more homework to do, less time to do it. I'll be spending less time at home, and less time with the boys. J is starting Kindergarten, and I need to have time to work with him and make sure he is focused and learning. When am I going to do that? Who knows. I'm sure I'll find the time once we get going, but thinking about all of it is overwhelming.
One thing that is not overwhelming any more is my financial situation. I don't want to go in to a lot of detail here, but I do feel like a huge weight has recently been lifted off of me. For a while I had to wonder how I was going to make rent, buy groceries, and pay bills on the GI Bill. Now there is a "new" GI Bill, and my burdens are much lighter. I am also looking forward to working at school. I'll have less time, I know, but not as many worries. I don't have to go shopping with my parents because the boys need clothes or school supplies that I can't afford. I didn't like feeling like I couldn't take care of all of those things for myself. We're not going to be rolling in dough, but once things are settled, we will have enough. That makes me feel good.
Wow. Long blog. Thanks to those of you who made it all the way through. So, in a nutshell, things are getting better. My kids are growing up, and we are all excited about school. The house is (more) organized, and easier to maintain now that (almost) everything is unpacked and put away. The only big issue that we still have is bedtime, and I am confident that we will get there.
I feel better. Like I'm just letting go of all of this stuff that I needed to talk about. It's like therapy, only instead of going somewhere and having someone ask me all kinds of questions, I'm sitting in my own chair. . . just saying the things I need to say. My hands hurt, but that's easier to shake off than a stress headache.
Until next time . . . .
~ J
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