Thanksgiving ... long weekend, long blog ...

Thanksgiving week . . . And what a week it has been! I know that it has been longer that since I posted, but I couldn't come up with a meaningful topic - especially since the topic of my last blog has continued to weigh on me. I'm working on that. Really.

So, originally I was afraid of this week. I've had a lot going on - a lot of issues, a lot of emotions, and really long to-do lists. So this week of no school, no daycare, and lots of get-togethers made me anxious. Overall, it has gone great!

I kicked it off on Wednesday with a visit from "My Jennifer". She has always been my Jennifer. I keep in touch with quite a few people from High School ... I even Facebook with lots of them. Jennifer is the only one who has always been there. Through Boot Camp, getting married, moving, getting divorced, and everything else. For several years in there I only came home once a year. You lose a lot of people that way. But every time that Jennifer and I would get in touch - either by email, phone, or a visit - it was like we hadn't been apart. There was a lot of catching up to do, but our friendship was never affected by the separations. So, anyway. Jennifer came over. First we got dinner (Taco Bell) and then we talked. I have had a lot going on, and she was there for me. My emotional issues have also held me back in the moving department. Yes, I know that I moved in June. The biggest problem has been my room. It's just such a monster that I hadn't been able to tackle it. I go in and change, or go to sleep. One thing at a time, while talking through other issues, Jennifer helped me clean my bedroom and bathroom. With her there helping and asking me questions, it seemed like it wasn't so hard - and it didn't take very long, either. Since then, I have felt good going in to my room. I don't get a headache just walking in the door. It's truly a "space" for me! Thanks, Jennifer!

Thursday was Thanksgiving. The boys and I had a lazy morning. I think we were awake by 7:45, out of bed at 8. We had breakfast and watched the parade. I was very excited, only I think last year was better - we had the use of Mom and Dad's DVR, and we could pause and rewind! I don't watch much TV these days, but when I do, I sure miss that! We enjoyed what we saw, though. . . The boys love watching people dance and sing. I would have stayed for the end of the parade - especially since everyone is usually late to my Grandma's house, and "dinner" isn't typically until about 3... But I was called at about 11:20. Everyone was there except us. So we went, and missed the rest of the parade. But the rest of the day was a hit. Z didn't eat anything, but the food was great. M, D, J, Z and I all left right after dinner to take food to my other grandparents' house. They live less than a mile away, and they were all by themselves, as the rest of the family had other plans for the day. So we took them food, visited awhile, and then went back to Grandma's house (my dad's family). Everything was cleaned up, and one aunt and cousin had already left. Once we got back and had some pie, it was time to go. Sort of. M, D, Gma, and one of my aunts went to Red Hawk to "play" for a little bit. At this point, it was just me and a cousin left - and our kids. They played and we talked. When I got ready to go, I packed the car, loaded the kids, and left. I drove to the other grandparents' house to deliver some cookies - remember that I said it's less than a mile away - and by the time I got there Z was passed out. I started the drive home with some soft music on, and in just another few minutes, J was out, too. It was 6:20 pm. When I got home, I carried them in the house and put them down in the playroom. I didn't think it was late enough for bed. Despite all of my efforts, Z would not wake up. I took off his shoes and carried him to his bed. Jacob woke up halfway. He watched a movie and then I took him to bed. SO easy! It was awesome. It was a pretty good day, and a good night. I spent the rest of it quiet. Thinking and relaxing.

Black Friday is for crazy people. Seriously. I'm not one of them. I like shopping, but to me there is nothing that is worth that kind of madness. We stayed at home. I was afraid that Z was going to wake up at 5 am, but surprisingly he stayed in bed until 6:30. Then he crawled in with me for a while, and didn't ask me to get out of bed until 7:01. He was content to watch TV while I woke up. That was nice of him. Somehow he knows when I'm just not quite ready - like laying there in my bed for a half an hour. My original plan for Friday was to escape the crowds while still getting out of the house . . . at the Zoo. Sure, it was a great plan. Until I saw the weather.com forecast for the day. It was supposed to rain for most of the day. So I scratched our plans. We did go out to play for a while after lunch. I was upset that it didn't rain as predicted. We could have had an awesome day instead of a so-so one... At about 4 pm, we went to Old Navy. I figured that it was not where the BF action would be, and it should all be low by 4 anyway, right? Wrong. There was a TON of people there - the checkout line was fifteen people deep - and that's all I wanted to do! I guess I was crazy to take in a return on Black Friday, but I needed to get out, and it needed to get done. That's about it for Friday. I don't even remember what we had for dinner!

Saturday was Thanksgiving #2. We got up and ready to go to M&D's house in Galt. We had a little trouble getting out the door. It was arguing, tantrums, throwing things, and my blood pressure - through the roof! We finally got there in one piece, so it all worked out. The big surprise when we got there: a Christmas tree! And my dad had gotten all of the boxes out of the garage with decorations, ornaments, candles, and everything else "Christmas". It was fun for the boys, and exciting for me, too! Definitely a walk down memory lane. Many of our family ornaments have a story with them - an occasion, a trip, or someone made it - and we told the boys most of the stories. It was a lot of fun! When the tree was done, we had to get the boys out of the house for a while. We went for a ride, and then we ran, chased, threw, and played in a field until it was time to go. Why was it time to go? Not because the turkey was done, but because I dropped J. I was spinning him around, and instead of setting him down on his feet (I was dizzy too) I missed, and he dropped to the grass - face first. After five minutes of comforting, he was still upset, so we left. Dinner went very well, and included a great chat with my cousin C. Growing up, we were very close. Our moms are twins, and from the time I can remember, they lived about fifteen minutes away. C is six years older than me. As I grew up, she was the one I looked up to. She was busy, but when it's been important, she always listened - and has had great advice. Currently we are both single moms, and Navy veterans. I've still never gotten her attitude, though. She's always had a lot of confidence and a "whatever" that I still can't get. We had a great, talk, though, and I look forward to getting closer - now that we're adults, and both back "home" instead of around the world, or various parts of the country! All in all, it was a great day and a great night. The kids had a blast and were well worn-out. I put their PJ's on and started to pack up around 7 pm. We said our goodbyes and got in the car somewhere after 7:30. It worked out well. The boys were exhausted, and went to sleep in the car again. It's not so easy to get J into his bed (top bunk) but I did it! He must have been beyond tired, too, because he wouldn't wake up for anything! I tried about 40 minutes after we were home and they were in bed. . . I wanted to give him his medicine, but that boy was asleep!

The day ended up going so well that my parents and I decided that it would be a new tradition. The Saturday after Thanksgiving . . . Turkey dinner and a Christmas tree! I used to get upset about the way the holidays seem to get earlier and earlier. Okay, I still am -- One store started to put out Christmas stuff before I had even bought our Halloween pumpkins! That's a bit too early, really! But anyway I am less upset about starting Christmas - as soon as Thanksgiving is over, I say bring it on - I'm excited!

Well, that's about all for the big Thanksgiving weekend. Today was very mellow and blah. I did a lot of cleaning and decorating here, but we didn't go anywhere or do anything exciting.

It was a good weekend, but a little too long. There were moments when I didn't know what to do - especially in the mornings! Four at-home breakfasts with the boys... We got a little stir-crazy at times. Mostly, I'm ready to get back to my routine. I should probably be sleeping to get ready for my 5:45 alarm, but I'm not. I'm enjoying the quiet and the clean in the house. It feels good.

*sigh*

Time to go find my scrubs and climb in to bed. Goodnight, blog.



~ Thanks to anyone who actually read the whole post! Hope you all had as good a holiday week as we did! Good luck to your Monday. They're usually tricky after a long one ... I don't usually look forward to them, either. Might be another first! ~

Until next time,
J

Really? Hmm.

Hello, blog. Did you miss me? I missed you. . . Yes, I've been thinking about you. I've been busy, though. . . And lately, I've had the same problem as Heather. . . Do you remember? An old friend of my sister's that I have reconnected with. She got me started blogging because it has helped her so much. E asked her when she was going to blog again. She said she didn't know what to blog about. So he pulled out a random topic and she wrote about it. I can't pull topics out of thin air, so I haven't been writing.

Until today.

My ex-husband got married.

We were married in July 2002, and separated March 2005. It wasn't really a happy marriage, and I'm long over him. Okay, so I do still have some bitter moments every now and again. . . . but mostly, who cares? I don't miss him, or what we had. The biggest emotions I have are loneliness and anger.

So why do I care so much that he got married?

I don't know, really. Perhaps the biggest reason could be that he didn't even tell me. I saw one of those little popups on Facebook: Do you know XYZ? You have 2 mutual friends. . . It was N. I clicked on it, just curious. So there's his picture on the left, and right underneath our mutual friends is a random sampling of his other friends . . . and who do I see but the girl that was his girlfriend -- in a wedding dress, and she has changed her name! Hmm. When was this? Didn't even know that you were that serious. . . And, um, when were you going to tell me?

He left me and I felt like he didn't care, and wondered if he ever had. Most of the time now I still feel like he doesn't care about the boys. Okay, yes. He sent them birthday presents this year (pretty sure that she paid for them). He's joined the Army (leaves in Dec) so that he can start paying child support. And he has asked about Christmas. . . But that hardly makes up for such a huge chunk of time when he has done nothing for J and Z. He hardly knows them. For a very long time, he didn't call and didn't ask about them. For a period of time, I stopped calling him with updates because I wanted him to put forth the effort (and the giveashit) and ask.

Well, now he's married. Again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Okay, so I just got off the phone with my cousin. V helped talk me through it. Just because he got married, doesn't mean that he is happy. It just means that he got married. And she is right. . . it doesn't really change anything for me. Before, I was a single mom with two boys. Now I am a single mom with two boys. He still owes us child support. Getting married doesn't change that. So I got it. Take the information. Breathe in, breathe out. . . . And let it go.

My ex-husband got married. So what? Hey, that wasn't so hard.

So, to end. . . I am still a little bit surprised that they are married and I had to find out about it on Facebook. Perhaps I shouldn't be too surprised that he didn't call me, because to me he is still an inconsiderate jerk. But I am over it. It doesn't bother me, and it doesn't affect my boys. Now, a few words from Tanya Tucker : "Honey, you can have him -- I don't want him anymore."

*exhale*

~ J