If you skip down and see what the song is, you're going to think I'm nuts. I'm mostly a country music girl. I like some pop, and a little bit of hip hop. Very little rock. Seriously. So why is this a song that gets to me? Why am I writing this on Memorial Day? Of course there's a story . . .
When I left on my first deployment, Z was six months old. JR was about a year and a half. It killed me to leave them . . . especially since N and I were divorce-in-progress. I had no idea what was going to happen to them in that six months. It wasn't just because I had no control over what they were fed and and how they got to play . . . it was because I couldn't see them, tuck them in, kiss them, spoil them, or fix their hurts . . . for six months. But I left because it was my job. I was a sailor. Sailors are on ships, and ships belong at sea.
For that six months, I could count the pictures that I got on my hands. I had very few phone calls to my children . . . and not just because they were expensive, but because of the time difference, bedtimes, and because they still didn't really talk. It was more like lectures and b*tch sessions from N when I had a phone card, tracked the time difference, and stayed up and waited for a phone.
So when it was time to come home, I was ready. I wanted my babies. Just like any returning service member, I was worried that they wouldn't recognize me, or that I wouldn't recognize them, but those were minor details. I knew they were out there. I was in dress uniform, standing on the outside of the "island" on the USS Ronald Reagan. Not only were my boys out there, but my mom and my aunt, too. My dad and my sister weren't waiting for me. They were on board as my "Tigers". That's another story. But as I was out there, and my shipmates lined the flight deck in dress uniform, I felt proud. I was anxious to get there. Nervous, scared, and excited - all rolled up into one emotional me. As we came around and Coronado came into view, "they" began to play music over the 1MC (Or was it the 5MC? Brandy, correct me because I know it's not the 1MC). Even if I have the wrong number, it was basically music on loudspeaker for everyone to hear.
They played quite a few songs. Only two I remember. "California, Here I come" . . . and "Mama, I'm coming home". . . by Ozzy Osbourne. It was the first time I had ever heard the song, and it stuck with me. I was coming home to my mom, and I was a mom coming home to my children. A few of the lines really stick out, like "Here I come, but I ain't the same" and "Hurts so bad, it's been so long" . . . then there was "I've seen your face a hundred times, Every day we've been apart, I don't care about the sunshine, yeah, Cuz Mama, Mama, I'm coming home" . . . . So, do you have chills yet? Think about it again with the music and lyrics somewhat distorted through the sound system. Remember that your family that you haven't seen in six months is out there, and getting closer. There's balloons, flags, and they're all cheering. That's what I think of, and how I feel every time I hear this song.
Ozzy Osbourne
Mama, I'm coming home
Times have changed and times are strange
Here I come, but I ain't the same
Mama, I'm coming home
Times gone by seem to be
You could have been a better friend to me
Mama, I'm coming home
You took me in and you drove me out
Yeah, you had me hypnotized
Lost and found and turned around
By the fire in your eyes
You made me cry, you told me lies
But I can't stand to say goodbye
Mama, I'm coming home
I could be right, I could be wrong
Hurts so bad, it's been so long Mama, I'm coming home
Selfish love yeah we're both alone
The ride before the fall
But I'm gonna take this heart of stone
I just got to have it all
I've seen your face a hundred times
Everyday we've been apart
I don't care about the sunshine, yeah
'Cause Mama, Mama, I'm coming home
I'm coming home
(solo)
You took me in and you drove me out
Yeah, you had me hypnotized
Lost and found and turned around
By the fire in your eyes
I've seen your face a hundred times
Everyday we've been apart
I don't care about the sunshine, yeah
'Cause Mama, Mama, I'm coming home
I'm coming home
I'm coming home
I'm coming home
As the notes end, it all stays quiet for a minute. We're so close that you can see people, instead of just a crowd. You start looking for your people. . . and then you hear a shot. No, no. It's the shot line being sent from the ship to the pier. And the crowd goes wild, because at last, it's official. We're home. The whistle blows, and we are in port. Wipe the tears away. It's a good day. Wave your flags, grab your bags, and hurry up and wait to get off of here.
How about one last detail? For our country's newest Aircraft Carrier's Maiden Deployment, we could have pulled in on the Fourth of July. What a celebration, right? But we didn't. We waited two whole days to come in on July 6th. Why? It's Nancy Reagan's birthday. She referred to us as "her ship" and "her crew". I would have liked to be home two days earlier, but getting off the ship and getting my boys back was the best birthday present that I've ever had!
Well. . . I can't believe I stayed up this late writing. And I didn't even say anything about what we did this weekend - and it was such a great one! I guess those are posts for tomorrow.
It's time for peace and bed.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Memorial Day 2010
I'll blog about the day, and how great it was tomorrow . . . but for now, I'm thinking of something else.
Heather blogged today about her love of America and her dislike of "our song". She thinks it's time to ditch the old Lee Greenwood "God Bless the USA" and get something new.
I, on the other hand, love this song. Come on . . . how could you not get chills? Maybe over and over again, it can be a little much. And perhaps it does something more for me because I was in the military. I don't forget those who died. And I would gladly stand up next to you (or for you, and you can sit down) and I would defend this country. Over and over again. I tried to get the full lyrics, but for some reason, none of the lyrics sites will let me highlight or copy. Well, anyway. You get the idea:
And I'm proud to be an American,
where at least I know I'm free.
And I wont forget the men who died,
who gave that right to me.
And I gladly stand up,
next to you and defend her still today.
‘Cause there ain't no doubt I love this land,
God bless the USA.
Perhaps it is time for something new. There is another patriotic song that I love. Well, there are lots. But one in particular that I've been hearing now and again lately. . . It's "Some gave all" Perhaps America isn't quite ready to embrace another country song by Billy Ray Cyrus. I will say another singer could do it better. . . but it does have a message that hit me with chills the first time. It's similar to that "all for one and one for all" three musketeers thing. Anyway . . .
Love your country and live with pride
And don't forget those who died. America can't you see. . .
All gave some and some gave all
And some stood true for the red, white and blue
And some had to fall
So if you ever think of me
Think of all your liberties and recall
Some gave all
There are so many more good ones, really. I could get chills from most of them, in the right mood. Even the National Anthem gets me. I do get chills, especially after being on the Honor Guard on the ship. Taps chokes me up, too. On bugle or trumpet, it will get to me every time. Once you've been a part of a burial at sea, or been in dress uniform and held a flag for the anthem, you'll never think of them quite the same way.
Okay, I'm about done reminiscing. What's your favorite patriotic song? Is there a memory with it? Let me know. Seriously, leave a comment and tell me. . . .
And, in closing . . . Happy Memorial Day . . . to all Veterans, Active Duty, and to family members who have lost loved ones in service to our country. None of you are forgotten.
Heather blogged today about her love of America and her dislike of "our song". She thinks it's time to ditch the old Lee Greenwood "God Bless the USA" and get something new.
I, on the other hand, love this song. Come on . . . how could you not get chills? Maybe over and over again, it can be a little much. And perhaps it does something more for me because I was in the military. I don't forget those who died. And I would gladly stand up next to you (or for you, and you can sit down) and I would defend this country. Over and over again. I tried to get the full lyrics, but for some reason, none of the lyrics sites will let me highlight or copy. Well, anyway. You get the idea:
And I'm proud to be an American,
where at least I know I'm free.
And I wont forget the men who died,
who gave that right to me.
And I gladly stand up,
next to you and defend her still today.
‘Cause there ain't no doubt I love this land,
God bless the USA.
Perhaps it is time for something new. There is another patriotic song that I love. Well, there are lots. But one in particular that I've been hearing now and again lately. . . It's "Some gave all" Perhaps America isn't quite ready to embrace another country song by Billy Ray Cyrus. I will say another singer could do it better. . . but it does have a message that hit me with chills the first time. It's similar to that "all for one and one for all" three musketeers thing. Anyway . . .
Love your country and live with pride
And don't forget those who died. America can't you see. . .
All gave some and some gave all
And some stood true for the red, white and blue
And some had to fall
So if you ever think of me
Think of all your liberties and recall
Some gave all
There are so many more good ones, really. I could get chills from most of them, in the right mood. Even the National Anthem gets me. I do get chills, especially after being on the Honor Guard on the ship. Taps chokes me up, too. On bugle or trumpet, it will get to me every time. Once you've been a part of a burial at sea, or been in dress uniform and held a flag for the anthem, you'll never think of them quite the same way.
Okay, I'm about done reminiscing. What's your favorite patriotic song? Is there a memory with it? Let me know. Seriously, leave a comment and tell me. . . .
And, in closing . . . Happy Memorial Day . . . to all Veterans, Active Duty, and to family members who have lost loved ones in service to our country. None of you are forgotten.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Things that break your heart . . .
Broken heart number one:
Okay, the scene: I'm at my desk, reading. The boys are in the playroom, play-acting a scene from the beginning of Peter Pan. . . then it all stops and gets quiet.
Z: Why do Michael and John and Wendy have a father living with them?
J: I don't know. We don't have a father.
Z: No, we don't.
OMG, what do I say? How do I make that better? When I heard that, it was just quiet. Both J and Z's voices when they said it were quiet, too. Sad, but matter-of-fact. My heart stopped for a moment.
I used to be the ever-positive one, even when it killed me. I vowed early on not to "bash" N in front of the boys. If they have a negative view of him, it's because they have decided for themselves what they think or believe. I still try, though it gets harder the older they get. I was going to interrupt and explain to them that they do have a dad, he just doesn't live with us. It is a delicate subject. . . I have said before that "he's not part of our family" . . . which sounds wrong, but it's not too far from the truth. I give him updates and tell him stories when he calls, but he's not part of our family. The older they get, though, the harder it is. Really. They understand a lot more than they did years ago. We separated when I was pregnant with Z, and he walked away from them in January of 2007. Getting close to 3 1/2 years. So they don't know him. But it's sad. Typical family is a mom, dad, and kids. And they've never really had that. No words can really fix it.
But I didn't have to try. After just a few seconds of quiet, they went right back to playing and singing about happy thoughts and flying to Neverland.
Since it was that easy to get over and go back to their game, I guess it doesn't matter too much. I'm doing my job . . . or they don't really miss having a dad . . . or Peter Pan and Captain Hook really were more important in that moment than not having a dad.
Broken heart number two:
I think every mom has heard it . . . but it still hurts. Maybe it hurts me more because I'm doing this all by myself . . . or because I know a little bit of the psychology behind it. They lash out at me because they know I'm here. I'm always here, no matter what they say or how they treat me.
So, what is it?
I hate you!
Yeah. It hurts. And I never know just how to handle it. I try to brush it off, especially when I know that they're mad. When they're in trouble, I really try not to show that I care, and stick to the punishment. It's hard to stick to a timeout, though, when a part of me wants to cry, and another part of me just wants to hug him and tell him that no matter what, I will always love him. It doesn't matter whether it's J or Z. It hurts either way. I also know that they don't really mean it. . . . But it sucks anyway. Every time.
*********************************************
That's all for now. It's time to get out of here.
Time for peace and quiet, and some good weather!
Okay, the scene: I'm at my desk, reading. The boys are in the playroom, play-acting a scene from the beginning of Peter Pan. . . then it all stops and gets quiet.
Z: Why do Michael and John and Wendy have a father living with them?
J: I don't know. We don't have a father.
Z: No, we don't.
OMG, what do I say? How do I make that better? When I heard that, it was just quiet. Both J and Z's voices when they said it were quiet, too. Sad, but matter-of-fact. My heart stopped for a moment.
I used to be the ever-positive one, even when it killed me. I vowed early on not to "bash" N in front of the boys. If they have a negative view of him, it's because they have decided for themselves what they think or believe. I still try, though it gets harder the older they get. I was going to interrupt and explain to them that they do have a dad, he just doesn't live with us. It is a delicate subject. . . I have said before that "he's not part of our family" . . . which sounds wrong, but it's not too far from the truth. I give him updates and tell him stories when he calls, but he's not part of our family. The older they get, though, the harder it is. Really. They understand a lot more than they did years ago. We separated when I was pregnant with Z, and he walked away from them in January of 2007. Getting close to 3 1/2 years. So they don't know him. But it's sad. Typical family is a mom, dad, and kids. And they've never really had that. No words can really fix it.
But I didn't have to try. After just a few seconds of quiet, they went right back to playing and singing about happy thoughts and flying to Neverland.
Since it was that easy to get over and go back to their game, I guess it doesn't matter too much. I'm doing my job . . . or they don't really miss having a dad . . . or Peter Pan and Captain Hook really were more important in that moment than not having a dad.
Broken heart number two:
I think every mom has heard it . . . but it still hurts. Maybe it hurts me more because I'm doing this all by myself . . . or because I know a little bit of the psychology behind it. They lash out at me because they know I'm here. I'm always here, no matter what they say or how they treat me.
So, what is it?
I hate you!
Yeah. It hurts. And I never know just how to handle it. I try to brush it off, especially when I know that they're mad. When they're in trouble, I really try not to show that I care, and stick to the punishment. It's hard to stick to a timeout, though, when a part of me wants to cry, and another part of me just wants to hug him and tell him that no matter what, I will always love him. It doesn't matter whether it's J or Z. It hurts either way. I also know that they don't really mean it. . . . But it sucks anyway. Every time.
*********************************************
That's all for now. It's time to get out of here.
Time for peace and quiet, and some good weather!
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Belated post: Mother's Day
It was the best Mother's Day ever, really.
You know, Mother's Day doesn't mean a whole lot when you still have to change diapers, make bottles, and you're just exhausted. I also had a mother's day when I was pregnant with Z. Since then, it's been just me and the boys, and they haven't really understood the concept of Mother's day, or been able to do anything about it.
This year . . . was the best.
It started on Friday, when I had a hint that there was going to be something special for me on Sunday. I was not allowed to touch, carry, or look inside the boys' backpack when I picked them up from school.
Sunday morning, I got to sleep in. I've never been a really lazy person. Even in high school, I don't think that I ever slept past nine. My goal for Mother's Day was 7:30. I got 8:00. Then I got up and left. I wanted a nice breakfast. Not a breakfast with a lot of work, but something that tasted better than cereal - and I'm a long way from the boys making me breakfast. So I got up and went to the store. It's less than a half a mile, and the boys weren't alone. I got a box of Eggos, some of that expensive instant bacon, and some juice. I went home, and that was breakfast. Mmm, mm, it was good!
After breakfast, I got my presents. The first thing I saw on my desk was an envelope with "mom" on it. It was a real card. I might be wrong, but I am assuming that E bought it, and had the boys write their names in it when I went for breakfast. It was one of those sweet/funny cards, but the gesture alone touched me more than I can express here. Next up was a very nice laminated card from Z with his handprints and picture on it. Next, I got my present from JR. There's a picture of flowers on the front, and the inside is a fill-in-the-blanks card. I'll skip past the name, age, and hair section. . .
She cooks chicken and noodles the best and she loves to eat Spaghetti. I think her favorite color is red. She doesn't like staying up late very much. She likes to watch The Biggest Loser on TV. My mom spends a lot of time cleaning up. She can do many things. She is best at cleaning the house. My mom is smart. She even knows how to clean the house. My mom has a pretty smile. I can make her smile by being good for her. I love my mom.
Is that not the cutest, funniest, melt-your-heart thing? Some of it made me laugh, some of it made me cry. . . and a few things just stumped me. Like, I don't think JR has ever seen me eat spaghetti. Why is that my favorite food? And red? I don't wear or decorate in red. Apparently, though, I clean a lot, and my son thinks that it's my best talent.
After cleaning up from breakfast, we all got ready to go. We headed to Red Hawk Casino. I had never been there before, because it's new, it's far away, and I don't gamble. But this was Mother's Day . . . and my grandmother loves gambling. So we all met there. My grandma (dad's mom) two of my aunts, M&D, me, E, and the boys. This casino is so new and family friendly that they have a child care center. It's not cheap, but it was awesome. I checked the boys in when we got there, and sat down at a penny slot with my grandma. I like penny slots . . . there are more "lines" that you can win on, and even if you don't win, you don't lose your money very fast. So we sat and we played (and lost). Shortly after M& D arrived, we went to play some other games. Mom likes roulette, and they had a pretty neat video version. At some point, most of us decided we were hungry. Here's the problem. You're supposed to stop gambling and get in line to eat an hour before you get hungry. Um, yeah. Closer to an hour and a half, actually. The food was great, the wait just sucked. And we were minus one "mom" and one aunt for lunch. Grandma says you don't stop to eat. Especially if you're winning. Well, none of us were winning - and we were hungry, so it wasn't too hard to stop for lunch.
When lunch was over, we went up for just a few more minutes of play. I won back some of the money I had lost earlier, and then we all went to get the boys. They had a blast! There was a huge jungle gym, unlimited rides and video games. They even got a snack, lunch, and a drink while they were there. No wonder they didn't want to leave! I say they're lucky we had to wait so long for our lunch, because we were only planning on staying at the casino for an hour or so.
That was mother's day. The best one I've had yet. The rest of the afternoon / evening was pretty low-key, just hanging around the house. But there was no fighting, no squabbling, and bedtime went pretty well.
I can't wait until they're even older, and they can really appreciate what I do to take care of them.
I hope all of you moms out there had as great a day as I did!
You know, Mother's Day doesn't mean a whole lot when you still have to change diapers, make bottles, and you're just exhausted. I also had a mother's day when I was pregnant with Z. Since then, it's been just me and the boys, and they haven't really understood the concept of Mother's day, or been able to do anything about it.
This year . . . was the best.
It started on Friday, when I had a hint that there was going to be something special for me on Sunday. I was not allowed to touch, carry, or look inside the boys' backpack when I picked them up from school.
Sunday morning, I got to sleep in. I've never been a really lazy person. Even in high school, I don't think that I ever slept past nine. My goal for Mother's Day was 7:30. I got 8:00. Then I got up and left. I wanted a nice breakfast. Not a breakfast with a lot of work, but something that tasted better than cereal - and I'm a long way from the boys making me breakfast. So I got up and went to the store. It's less than a half a mile, and the boys weren't alone. I got a box of Eggos, some of that expensive instant bacon, and some juice. I went home, and that was breakfast. Mmm, mm, it was good!
After breakfast, I got my presents. The first thing I saw on my desk was an envelope with "mom" on it. It was a real card. I might be wrong, but I am assuming that E bought it, and had the boys write their names in it when I went for breakfast. It was one of those sweet/funny cards, but the gesture alone touched me more than I can express here. Next up was a very nice laminated card from Z with his handprints and picture on it. Next, I got my present from JR. There's a picture of flowers on the front, and the inside is a fill-in-the-blanks card. I'll skip past the name, age, and hair section. . .
She cooks chicken and noodles the best and she loves to eat Spaghetti. I think her favorite color is red. She doesn't like staying up late very much. She likes to watch The Biggest Loser on TV. My mom spends a lot of time cleaning up. She can do many things. She is best at cleaning the house. My mom is smart. She even knows how to clean the house. My mom has a pretty smile. I can make her smile by being good for her. I love my mom.
Is that not the cutest, funniest, melt-your-heart thing? Some of it made me laugh, some of it made me cry. . . and a few things just stumped me. Like, I don't think JR has ever seen me eat spaghetti. Why is that my favorite food? And red? I don't wear or decorate in red. Apparently, though, I clean a lot, and my son thinks that it's my best talent.
After cleaning up from breakfast, we all got ready to go. We headed to Red Hawk Casino. I had never been there before, because it's new, it's far away, and I don't gamble. But this was Mother's Day . . . and my grandmother loves gambling. So we all met there. My grandma (dad's mom) two of my aunts, M&D, me, E, and the boys. This casino is so new and family friendly that they have a child care center. It's not cheap, but it was awesome. I checked the boys in when we got there, and sat down at a penny slot with my grandma. I like penny slots . . . there are more "lines" that you can win on, and even if you don't win, you don't lose your money very fast. So we sat and we played (and lost). Shortly after M& D arrived, we went to play some other games. Mom likes roulette, and they had a pretty neat video version. At some point, most of us decided we were hungry. Here's the problem. You're supposed to stop gambling and get in line to eat an hour before you get hungry. Um, yeah. Closer to an hour and a half, actually. The food was great, the wait just sucked. And we were minus one "mom" and one aunt for lunch. Grandma says you don't stop to eat. Especially if you're winning. Well, none of us were winning - and we were hungry, so it wasn't too hard to stop for lunch.
When lunch was over, we went up for just a few more minutes of play. I won back some of the money I had lost earlier, and then we all went to get the boys. They had a blast! There was a huge jungle gym, unlimited rides and video games. They even got a snack, lunch, and a drink while they were there. No wonder they didn't want to leave! I say they're lucky we had to wait so long for our lunch, because we were only planning on staying at the casino for an hour or so.
That was mother's day. The best one I've had yet. The rest of the afternoon / evening was pretty low-key, just hanging around the house. But there was no fighting, no squabbling, and bedtime went pretty well.
I can't wait until they're even older, and they can really appreciate what I do to take care of them.
I hope all of you moms out there had as great a day as I did!
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