I realized, in re-reading yesterday's blog, that I talked about a lot of things going on. . . but didn't mention Z at all. I can't let that happen, so this blog will be all about him.
Z is 4 years old. I can't believe he's so old. He still seems like my baby. . . Even though I know that he is not. He's growing all the time, and often says things that surprise me!
In his mind, he knows that he is growing up. But in his heart, he still wants to be little. You get to play more, and don't have so much work to do. He already knows that his brother is too big sometimes to play with me (piggyback, wrestling, or just getting tossed around).
Back a few months ago, he like being "little" and you couldn't call him a big boy, or say that he was growing up. . . because he would correct you and tell you adamantly that he was not big - he was little. He also called little things "Z- sized". If there was a small bite of something, or just a little bit left of a drink, it was "Z-sized" and automatically his. I miss that a little bit. . . but glad that he knows that he needs to grow up.
Next week, Z will move in to the 4's room (aka Pre-K) at the Daycare. He has been in the 3's since we moved last August. He will be leaving his teacher, but moving on. Learning new things. Making new friends. I think it is exciting. He's not quite as crazy about the 4's teacher (and neither am I) but I'm sure that we'll make it.
Another thing about Z: He loves me! I know that JR does, too. . . but I am glad to be able to say that I have a different relationship with each of my boys. Their personalities are different, so our relationships are different.
There's just one sad part -- aside from him growing up and not being so cute and cuddly (and tossable) anymore -- He doesn't have a dad who is present. The "Dad issue" could be a whole blog. . . maybe it will be soon. My point is that it's just me here - taking care of them, teaching them . . . I had help (and a safety net) when my parents were here. Now that they've moved, we have more freedom, and we all have our own spaces. It's easier overall, but also harder on me. More stress, and a bigger possibility of failure.
Z is so cute and innocent. JR is growing up. Every time I see how they're learning and changing I'm afraid I'm going to screw them up. I know that this post was supposed to be about Z since I neglected to talk about him yesterday, but here I am. Back on me and my insecurities.
Well, there are enough of them . . . but not enough time to put any more in this blog. It is the boys' story time. . . and then I want to do some more studying before I go to bed. I'm talking to myself, anyway. The pessimist thinks no one is really reading this, so why am I "talking" as if there is? Oh, well.
More next time. . . about school, the house, or maybe I'll even talk about N. . . . We'll just have to see what kind of mood I'm in and what comes out when I start typing!
~ J
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