Where have I been?

Well, I've been right here.  But also a little bit lost. 

I have thought about blogging through all of the problems that I've had, but most of the time I'm pretty sure that my blogging is like writing letters to no one.  I also haven't been to blog because I feel an obligation to "catch up" for lost time.  I've tried to do it a few times . . . when I caught up on all of our Disneyland highlights, and I wrote about my trip to SF with E.  But I didn't always feel like blogging about our vacations or the boys going back to school.  There have been many days that I have written a blog in my head, but not put it on the computer because my blog feels stuck in June and I didn't have the heart or the time to get the blog up-to-date. 

What is the first step to change?  Making the choice.  With my kids, our "theme" is Making good choices.  I tell them that you choose your own behavior.  They know that if they are in trouble, it is because they did not make good choices.  I am trying now to make my own good choices.  Actually, I've been working on it for a few weeks now.  The most important choice I've been making lately?  Well, it's not always as easy to do as it is to say, but I have really been trying to not be depressed. 

Even having chores and to-do lists doesn't always help, especially when you're alone.  When you're down in a hole, trying not to be depressed can be harder than it sounds.  I've had quite a few bad days - and even bad weeks - since graduating in August.  I still have bad days, but making the choice that I don't want to just be makes a difference. 

Things are also getting better.  Things in our lives are changing, and I'm looking forward to many of the changes.  As I feel better, and things start happening around here . . . well, I'm going to be busy, but I want to feel better, so I'll be here.  On good days I look forward to sharing our job, and on bad days, I am hoping that it will help me to write and release the frustration, stress, and depression that I feel. 

I hope you are all well.  It's been a rough week. but we are choosing to have a better day.

I'm enjoying the peace right now, praying for dinner and bedtime to go as well as free time!