Really? Hmm.

Hello, blog. Did you miss me? I missed you. . . Yes, I've been thinking about you. I've been busy, though. . . And lately, I've had the same problem as Heather. . . Do you remember? An old friend of my sister's that I have reconnected with. She got me started blogging because it has helped her so much. E asked her when she was going to blog again. She said she didn't know what to blog about. So he pulled out a random topic and she wrote about it. I can't pull topics out of thin air, so I haven't been writing.

Until today.

My ex-husband got married.

We were married in July 2002, and separated March 2005. It wasn't really a happy marriage, and I'm long over him. Okay, so I do still have some bitter moments every now and again. . . . but mostly, who cares? I don't miss him, or what we had. The biggest emotions I have are loneliness and anger.

So why do I care so much that he got married?

I don't know, really. Perhaps the biggest reason could be that he didn't even tell me. I saw one of those little popups on Facebook: Do you know XYZ? You have 2 mutual friends. . . It was N. I clicked on it, just curious. So there's his picture on the left, and right underneath our mutual friends is a random sampling of his other friends . . . and who do I see but the girl that was his girlfriend -- in a wedding dress, and she has changed her name! Hmm. When was this? Didn't even know that you were that serious. . . And, um, when were you going to tell me?

He left me and I felt like he didn't care, and wondered if he ever had. Most of the time now I still feel like he doesn't care about the boys. Okay, yes. He sent them birthday presents this year (pretty sure that she paid for them). He's joined the Army (leaves in Dec) so that he can start paying child support. And he has asked about Christmas. . . But that hardly makes up for such a huge chunk of time when he has done nothing for J and Z. He hardly knows them. For a very long time, he didn't call and didn't ask about them. For a period of time, I stopped calling him with updates because I wanted him to put forth the effort (and the giveashit) and ask.

Well, now he's married. Again.

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Okay, so I just got off the phone with my cousin. V helped talk me through it. Just because he got married, doesn't mean that he is happy. It just means that he got married. And she is right. . . it doesn't really change anything for me. Before, I was a single mom with two boys. Now I am a single mom with two boys. He still owes us child support. Getting married doesn't change that. So I got it. Take the information. Breathe in, breathe out. . . . And let it go.

My ex-husband got married. So what? Hey, that wasn't so hard.

So, to end. . . I am still a little bit surprised that they are married and I had to find out about it on Facebook. Perhaps I shouldn't be too surprised that he didn't call me, because to me he is still an inconsiderate jerk. But I am over it. It doesn't bother me, and it doesn't affect my boys. Now, a few words from Tanya Tucker : "Honey, you can have him -- I don't want him anymore."

*exhale*

~ J