The dreaded letter!

I love getting Christmas cards.  Really.  The perfect -- or wonderfully un-perfect picture of family or friends.  Whether I see them occasionally, or rarely, I love to get the pictures.  The letters are even better!  Glimpses in to people's lives.  Highlights of the year's activities, accomplishments, and milestones in their children's lives.

What I hate is writing them.  Have you noticed that I haven't sent any for several years now?  Each year it seems to get harder.  I think about it, plan on it, sometimes even make lists of names and addresses.  Once it comes to the letter, though, I give up.  This year, as Christmas drew closer, I was determined.  My cards are winter-y, but they don't actually say Merry Christmas.  Reflections come at the end of the year, anyway, so I thought my timing was perfect to send them as New Year's cards. . .

Until I wrote mine.  It took me a few evenings to get the right wording about everything.  I threw in a little about our year as a family, a little bit about each of the boys, and a nice closing.  Then I re-read it, and realized the whole thing was ridiculous.  It didn't sound like us at all.  Who are these perfect, happy people?  It was then that the words from this blog flashed through my mind: It isn't a perfect life, but it's our life.  And I realized that I want to tell the truth.  Not the whole truth, but at the very least, I should recognize that it's us when I read the letter I'm about to send out.

So here I am, in a place where I can be honest about who I am, and what life is really like.  Because it's far from perfect.  And I do my best, but I'm not perfect, either.

Here's to embracing the reality of an imperfect life!


Janis

It's been a while!

Yes, it has been a while . . . but now I'm back!

As I explained in a previous post, I left my blog when E and I split up.  I wanted privacy and space, and I was afraid that I couldn't write what I wanted to for fear that he would see it.  I posted a few times, thinking I felt secure enough, but I wasn't quite there.  Why didn't I come back after things finally settled down?  I really don't know.  But it has been over three and a half years.  If he's reading this now, I am long past caring.

I have things I want to say.  And this will be my place to say it, whether I'm talking to myself or the whole world.


The "New Year, New Me" starts now . . .


Happy New Year, everyone!


Signing off, wishing you all safe celebrations!

Back on the wagon. . .

The weight loss wagon.  

I'm getting back on.  I have talked about it a few times.  I am not going to be on The Biggest Loser, but I am out of shape in more ways than one.  My strength and stamina are down, and my weight is well above a healthy level.  I'm not looking to be a size six.  I was there for a while, after Boot Camp.  At this point in my life - ten years later, and having given birth to three children - it is unrealistic.  My goal is to be healthy, inside and out.  

The first step to the inner healthiness comes with the decision.  I made that decision.  Mentally, emotionally, I decided that I didn't want to feel unhappy with myself anymore.  I want to feel good and be proud of myself.  I want to be able to go out and know that I look good.  I want to be able to play with the boys until they get tired, not have to stop and sit down because I'm too tired to keep wrestling / running / etc.  

New Year's Day, the day after the boys and I moved in with E, I weighed myself at M&D's house.  I weighed 188 lbs.  I'm a little nervous about putting that out there, but it's about accountability.  I knew I didn't like that number.  It's more than I weighed when I was pregnant with Z.  I decided that it was going to be a "New Year, New Me" . . . We had just moved, I was starting school again.  I was full of hope for my relationship with E.  I believed that at the same time that I was starting a new happy life, I could get myself healthy much easier than in previous attempts to lose weight when I had been alone and depressed.  

Things with E were not happy.  They were miserable, unhappy, and stressful.  But I was busy.  I was unpacking, cleaning, and back in school.  Weight started to come off.  I didn't really see or feel a difference, but the scale showed progress, and I needed a new pair of pants.  I called them my "ten pound pants" . . . and I was both pleased and amazed that I reached ten pounds without going to a gym.  I did walk with the boys around the neighborhood nearly every night, and I paid much more attention to what I was eating.  

Just shortly after the ten-pound milestone, I hit a wall.  At one point, I tried to break through the wall, and I made a little more progress, but I remained stuck at the 19 pound mark.  Things started to get more stressful at home.  I was stuck, at school and at home, both emotionally and physically.  At the lowest point, however, I was much more than stressed.  I was anxious and fearful.  I was barely eating.  Over the weekend when things were really bad, I stayed with M&D for a few days.  I weighed myself on Friday morning, and then later on Sunday afternoon of that really bad weekend.  On Friday, I was at that 19-pound wall.  On Sunday night, I had broken through and made it to 23 pounds down.  It made me feel good to see that number, but I knew that I didn't really lose four pounds in three days.  I figured it was partially stress, and partially because I had hardly eaten. 

The stress continued, and then things began to get better.   While I was getting settled in the new place, my focus was not on myself.  I had to take care of many things, including problems with the boys.  We stopped taking walks.  I ate less health-consciously.  Pounds came back, and I was back on the other side of the wall again.  The new "skinny" jeans still fit me, and the smaller capris that I had . . . but the number was back up.    

I have now broken back through the wall.  Since I have not had contact with E, I have been much less stressed.  I have been thinking more about what I am eating, and trying to be more active.

I don't know what my number is right now, in terms of what I weigh, or how many pounds down I am.  But I feel better.  I know that I am ready to do better.  I am back on the wagon, and looking forward to feeling better and getting healthier as the numbers go back down.  

Stay tuned, as more good news will be coming soon!  

Peace, fruit, and veggies!  

A broken promise . . .

Do you remember when I promised to write every day?  I wanted to, I really did.  I had a lot to say. . . a lot that I was feeling and wanted to share.  SO many things were changing, and so many things were not going well in my life.  I felt like I was unable to blog just as I felt that I was unable to be on Facebook.  Why?  Because a lot of what I felt and what I wanted to say was about E.

Not to worry about that, though.  There is no more E.  The boys and I moved out of his house in just a few days after Heather's birthday.  We stayed with M&D for a week, then moved into a place of our own.  All of the change has not been easy - for me or for the boys - but it's just about over.  I know that I have such good friends you would have been there for me in this rough time, but I felt too afraid to reach out to anyone except for my parents.

I am not going to go into major details except to say that it just didn't work . . . and for all of you now worrying about me, I will say that there was no physical abuse.

What have I learned?  Hmm.  The first few things may sound cliche, but there's a reason that we keep cliches around.  "Look before you leap" . . . and "You never know someone until you live with them" . . .  Yeah.  So.  What else, besides the cliche?  Oh, a lot.  A few things I am just getting to.  I am learning to pay attention to the way that people act and what it means.  I am learning to listen to my children.  They both have their issues, but they're also really smart.  I have learned that instincts are felt for a reason, and the next time I feel an inner voice telling me something is not right, or that I should do something to change what's happening, I will listen to that instinct.

For now, that is all.  I have been thinking about blogging quite a lot.  For those of you who enjoy it, and want to hear more about the boys, our adjustments, and my life as a single mom / student, I thank you.  The writing and posting is somewhat of a therapy for me.  I may need to lock the blog and make it invitation only . . . but we will see how things are going.  So, thanks for coming back.  Thank you all for your support.  My apologies for breaking my promise to keep blogging, but I am back now, and looking forward to things getting better and life being happier again.

Peace, quiet, and finally, bedtime!

Happy Birthday

Today is my daughter's 8th birthday.  That may confuse some of you who only know that I have two boys.

Heather Michelle was born on March 21, 2003.  After 25 days of life, she passed away on April 15, 2003.  She died of SIDS, also known as Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.  It is basically a way of saying that a baby, between newborn and one year, died and there is no cause of death.  When there are no deformities, abnormalities, illnesses, or other causes of death, but a baby just dies, it is classified as SIDS.  There are risk factors that increase the chances that a SIDS death will occur, but no official causes or preventions.  Perhaps that's enough of that for now. 

Today is the day that she came in to the world.  This is the day to celebrate life, right? 

Heather was born at 12:25 in the afternoon.  Twenty-six hours after labor was induced.  My labor was induced on my due date - and still took 26 hours.  I guess she was comfy!  I was exhausted after all of that.  On day two, Heather was also a little jaundiced.  I needed a little rest, and she needed a little treatment for that.  We went home on day four.  We had three beautiful weeks together.  My mom and dad came to visit.  My sister came down a few times, as well.  There are nearly as many pictures of Heather in 3 1/2 weeks of life as there are of my in the first five years of my life!  For three weeks, she was loved, and we were blessed.  She was both an angel and a peanut.  Absolutely beautiful, absolutely perfect. 

Giving birth is hard . . . and it looks like being born is traumatizing, too!

SO tiny . . . And yes, that's me eight years ago with the huge hands.  They had the IV in my wrist, and I couldn't move that hand for two and a half days. 

Taking a nap.  Again. 

A nap with grandpa.  This is why we started calling her "peanut". 

Hanging out in the boppy.  It was a little big for her, but Auntie Megan wanted the pictures.

 

Angel sleeping.

There's more things I could talk about . . . I have other posts waiting in my head to be written . . . and I could make a post about Heather three times as long.  I know I haven't said very much about her or what happened, so don't be afraid.  If you have questions, ask.  I'll answer them.  

Tonight, though, It's time for sleep. 

Goodnight, angel baby. 
Goodnight, world. 

St. Patty's day fun

Okay, the truth:  I'm not really into St. Patrick's day.  I thought all the green stuff was fun when I was younger, but couldn't stand everyone trying to pinch me.  Most people grow out of that and get in to the fun / party side of St. Patrick's day.  I joined the Navy and had kids.  I drank a little bit on deployment, but I've never been a drinker.  So the whole excitement of St. Patrick's day escapes me.  I do enjoy corned beef and cabbage.  I plan on eating some tomorrow . . . but the rest of it, I just don't get it.  It was fun for the kids, though. 

I put both of them in a green shirt today.  But I told them not to pinch anyone, and I told them that they can tell other kids that they don't want to be pinched. 

They had leprechaun "traps" at the after-school program.  The leprechauns didn't get caught, though.  They just made a mess, turned the snack green, and left each of the kids gold (chocolate) coins and a note.  It was one teacher acting as the leprechaun while the other teacher had the kids outside, but I guess they enjoyed it.

I guess I played "leprechaun" today, too.  I went to M&D's house and did some surprise housework, then I left them a "Happy St. Patty's Day" note and some green carnations.  That was fun.  I'm sure they'll know it was me, but I'm still waiting for them to get home and find it

As if all of that wasn't enough fun, my bestie came over this evening.  She had St. Patty's Day surprises for the boys.  They made "magic" pudding that turned green, too.  The boys were super excited - for the visit, the surprises, and the fun!  There was a little boy-meets-sidewalk accident, but Z was still able to sit and watch J and the bestie while he recovered.  

Z and J with their shamrock sunglasses, one of the St. Patty's day surprises from my bestie.

We all had a group hug, then she left with her green carnation.  Dinner and bathtime are over.  On to stories, bedtime, and St. Patty's day is over in this house. 

Whether you're at home ignoring St Patty's day, eating corned beef and cabbage, or out partying irish in a pub, I hope you everyone has a good night.  If you are out partying and drinking green beer, I'm pretty sure you're not reading this, but please  . . . be safe.

That's it.  Peace, luck, and goodnight! 

Last week's essay

As I promised, here is the essay that I wrote for my composition class last week.  I wanted to wait until the grade was posted before I put it here.  I got 84/ 100 points.  I didn't know that a title page was required, and the instructor said I didn't explain enough of the concepts that were unfamiliar to readers.  She said I included good descriptions and feelings, but a lot was left open, like "underway" . . . um, if it's an essay about an experience in the Navy, do I really have to explain what underway means?

Oh, well.  I'm still proud of it.  I almost wish it could have been a longer essay.  There was so much more that day.  The channel fever, for one.  My dad and sister were there with as Tigers, and we had to search the pier for my mom and my aunt.  There was another search to find my ex and my boys.  They were tired and cranky, as was my ex, but there aren't enough words to finish explaining how it felt to see them after six months.  Maybe I didn't pick the right topic.  I wanted to write about something that would allow me to introduce myself to the class and the instructor, and something I didn't have to research or think about to hard.  I know this because I felt it.  I lived it. 

All right, that's it.  Enough intro.  Here it is:

Sights, Sounds, and Feelings of Homecoming

Generally speaking, sailors don't like dress whites.  I actually hated them.  The dress whites are hard to iron, uncomfortable, and don't stay clean for more than five minutes.  But there is one occasion that I didn't think about arguing even once.  I was happy to wear my dress whites for my first homecoming. 

Underway, I avoided being outside.  It was depressing to go out and see nothing but open ocean all around.  This day was different.  When we sneaked a look, we could see land.  We weren't quite there yet, but we knew that it was home.  When it was time, I dressed in my whites.  They were clean and pressed.  My neckerchief was rolled and tied.  My dress shoes were shined.  It was an inspection ready uniform,  but I wasn't going to an inspection.  After six long months, this was the best birthday present that a mother could receive. 

The USS Ronald Reagan can reach speeds over 35 miles an hour.  Standing in formation, waiting anxiously to get home, we believed that the ship could not go any slower.  The wait was nearly agonizing as we stood there straining to watch the base come in to view.  There were hundreds of sailors in a line around the flight deck, and each of the upper island decks.  As we stood, waited, and watched, music was played over a sound system. 

Patriotic music could have been played, but someone decided against it.  Instead, songs were played to make us think of what we were headed to.  There were songs to pump up the sailors waiting to get home.  I remember California, Here I Come.  Some of the songs got us excited, and some of them were emotional.  I had never heard Mom, I'm Coming Home before.  When it was played, I listened.  So did those around me.  I had been determined not to cry, but there were the tears in my eyes.  It had been a long six months, but I had made it.  I was proud of myself, and I knew that my mom, who was waiting somewhere on that base, was proud of me, too. 

To this day, I get chills thinking about that feeling.  It swells inside me like the crescendo of an orchestra.  Finally, we were there.  We could see the crowd, hear them screaming.  There were signs, balloons, flags, and so much love I could feel it.  The music had stopped.  The sailors were all still and silent.  I had thought the crowd couldn't get any louder, but I was wrong.  A single shot rand out.  A shot that everyone heard which meant that we were really home.  That shot sent the first line to the pier to moor the ship.  Once it had been secured, the whistle was sounded.  Cheers rang out from the crowd and the sailors on the flight deck. 

It seemed to take hours to tie up the ship, but I know there was much more that had to be done.  Finally, a liberty call was sounded with personnel being allowed to leave the ship in order of rank.  The time waiting became a blur.  I don't remember hearing the call.  I know I carried more than one bag with me, but I don't remember it.  The walk down the stairwell is a long one, and scary when you're not empty handed.  I don't remember it, either.  I barely remember walking through the crowd to find my mom.  It became a blur.  Somehow, she was there.   

And then, so were my children.  I had not seen them in six months.  A fear of every parent who is in the military is coming home to a child that does not recognize them.  I had longed to hold and smell my children for six months while also fearing that at the ages of one and two, they would not know me.  When at last they were in front of me, I felt a joy that no one outside the military can understand.  They were warm and sticky and both of them smelled like heat and baby wipes.  They were fussy from being in the sun without being able to play, eat, or nap.  None of that mattered to me.  My ex-husband was annoyed, but I thought that their whines had never sounded more beautiful. 

The day went on.  There was a celebratory dinner and lots of storytelling.  I was on leave and I relaxed for a few days.  Those days are a blur.  What I remember, and will never forget, are the feelings of anticipation, excitement, pride, and joy.

I have been out of the Navy for two and a half years.  I do miss the pride of being a sailor, but I am now a proud veteran.  With the exception of a few sleepovers, I have been with my children every night for the last two and a half years.  I enjoyed being underway, but that was doing my job.  There was nothing harder than leaving my children to go, and whether it was two days, two weeks, or six months, there has never been anything  better than coming home. 


*********


So, that was it.  Please, let me know what you think. 

For now, I'm out. 

Peace, quiet, and bed! 

Pre-nightmare

No, no, I meant Pre-Calculus.  Maybe it's not *that* bad, but when I start Calculus, I might have nightmares . . .

Ugh.  Seriously.  I'm pretty smart.  I've always thought I'm good at math.  Pre-Calculus, though, is a challenge.  And I'm only in Week 3.  I think my brain is going to be mush by Week 8.  I even have a 180$ calculator (paid 79$ for it) and I still can't figure some of this stuff out.

There is good news, though.  I got an 85% on my test on Monday.  I wish I had done better, but I'm happy with 85%.

Alright, that's all for the Precal nightmare.  More later.

A resolution

I know, I know.  I disappeared again.  I can hardly believe that it has been more than two months.  When I am driving, or at school, I write blog posts in my head.  I just haven't had both the time and the thought when I'm in front of the computer. 

I am beginning to think that I need the outlet.  I usually think that I am "talking" to myself when I write blog posts, but it helps. 

I have heard of people who post a picture - every single day - and blog about it.  I don't know if I can do that with a picture.  But as life goes on with school, the boys, and everyday kinds of stress, I need to have an outlet. 

Is it too late for a New Year's Resolution?  I hope not, because here it is. 

One blog.  Every day.  It might be just a quick note to say "hello, world" or it could be a story of an adventure, a tantrum, or an update on life's events.  If someone reads or comments, I'll feel good . . . but if it's just for me, it will be just for me.  I think it will be a good release for me when things are stressful.  It could also be a good way for me to share good news - with either everyone or no one. 

Alright, that's it for tonight.  Time to go finish my essay.  Maybe tomorrow's post will be the finished product.  Or maybe I'll use tomorrow's post to announce my grade on my first-ever Pre-Calculus test. 

For now,

A good night and good sleep to all!

Christmas # 1

*Sigh* . . . . I love this time of year! 

Yes, it's busy.  It's stressful.  It can be a pretty expensive time, too. 

But it's so full of magic.  I love the fun and joy, and spending happy time with friends and family.  Reminiscing about old times, good and bad. 

Usually, our first Christmas is on Christmas Eve with my dad's side of the family.  This year, our first Christmas was on Saturday, with E's family. E's Mom, brothers, and sister were there.  I brought my boys and E brought his daughter. 

It was a day of fun.  Games, movies, snacks, then presents and dinner.  Everyone was excited about the gift-giving . . .  That's always my favorite part: the giving.  I felt bad that I didn't have anything to give to anyone, but they all understand my financial situation.  Maybe I'll give everyone Valentine's presents when I'm back on my feet.  It was still a joy to see everyone so excited. 

The best part of the day?  The visiting.  Just being there, hanging out with Christmas in the air. 

I'm looking forward to more.  More togetherness, more joy.  More giving, more love.  Too bad there's only two more days of Christmas.  I could handle a little bit more.  Even with the boys, the stress, and the lack of cash, I love it.  Hope you are all enjoying the magic as much as I am.

Christmas Cards

Christmas Cards:  A blog and an advertisement. 

Advertisement?  Yes.  Sorry.  But Shutterfly is offering bloggers 50 Christmas / Holiday cards for posting about their holiday products.  If you have a blog, check it out.  If you haven't gotten your Christmas cards yet, check out what they have.  http://bit.ly/sfly2010

Okay, so there's the plug.  Here's the blog. 

I have never really done Christmas cards.  I've always thought about it.  The last few years I've even written a letter.  Last year I got addresses from lots of people, near and far, old and new, navy and civilian.  But I never sent them.  This year I had our first family portrait taken since 2007.  I used to do it every year, starting with a portrait of Jacob and I when I was pregnant with Zack.  This year, since so many things have happened since I've been in touch with people, and so many things are getting ready to change in our lives, I really want to follow through. 

The pictures (even though I was nervous) turned out great.  There's a few with a funny face, or hair out of place, but overall, they did a really good job.  Regret:  I didn't have her take one of anyone alone.  Oh, well.  The family shot is the important one anyway. 

Here's a sample of my favorite:

No, this is not the shot for the card.  Not going to give everything away here.  This is just a sample.  And if you come to my house in a few weeks, you'll see it in a frame on my desk.  Love it.  Zachary and I are doing "nose wiggles" on the left, and Jacob and I are on the right.  How much they've grown up!

So, the next choice:   Which card to put them on.  After I saw the Shuttefly blog on a friend's post, I started browsing the options.  I prefer a card with one big picture instead of a collage.  Do I want color, black, or white?  Christmas or Holidays?  Snowflakes, trees?  Why are there so many choices? 

Here are a few of my favorites . . . why don't you tell me which one you like? 

Well, that's all for now.  I look forward to hearing what you think . . . almost as much as I'm looking forward to actually sending cards this year! Thanks to my mom for encouraging me to get our pictures done.  I really am happy with them.  Thanks also to Brandy and to Shutterfly for the offer of free cards!

Where have I been?

Well, I've been right here.  But also a little bit lost. 

I have thought about blogging through all of the problems that I've had, but most of the time I'm pretty sure that my blogging is like writing letters to no one.  I also haven't been to blog because I feel an obligation to "catch up" for lost time.  I've tried to do it a few times . . . when I caught up on all of our Disneyland highlights, and I wrote about my trip to SF with E.  But I didn't always feel like blogging about our vacations or the boys going back to school.  There have been many days that I have written a blog in my head, but not put it on the computer because my blog feels stuck in June and I didn't have the heart or the time to get the blog up-to-date. 

What is the first step to change?  Making the choice.  With my kids, our "theme" is Making good choices.  I tell them that you choose your own behavior.  They know that if they are in trouble, it is because they did not make good choices.  I am trying now to make my own good choices.  Actually, I've been working on it for a few weeks now.  The most important choice I've been making lately?  Well, it's not always as easy to do as it is to say, but I have really been trying to not be depressed. 

Even having chores and to-do lists doesn't always help, especially when you're alone.  When you're down in a hole, trying not to be depressed can be harder than it sounds.  I've had quite a few bad days - and even bad weeks - since graduating in August.  I still have bad days, but making the choice that I don't want to just be makes a difference. 

Things are also getting better.  Things in our lives are changing, and I'm looking forward to many of the changes.  As I feel better, and things start happening around here . . . well, I'm going to be busy, but I want to feel better, so I'll be here.  On good days I look forward to sharing our job, and on bad days, I am hoping that it will help me to write and release the frustration, stress, and depression that I feel. 

I hope you are all well.  It's been a rough week. but we are choosing to have a better day.

I'm enjoying the peace right now, praying for dinner and bedtime to go as well as free time! 

A getaway weekend - long post

Shortly after we returned from Disneyland, it was time to get away again.  Vacation from a vacation?  No, just me and E.  Mom and Dad agreed that we needed some real time for ourselves and they would keep the boys for a weekend.  Yep, a whole weekend.  They had had overnights before, but not a weekend.  From Friday night until Sunday afternoon.  Who was excited?  Everyone!  Well, maybe not Mom and Dad, but the boys were excited, as were E and I. 

So, M&D agreed to babysit.  What's next?  Deciding where to go!  We tossed back and forth the idea of going to Reno.  It's not too far, and there are sights, shows, and lots to do besides throw your money away.  We decided, almost at the last minute, that it wasn't worth it.  Even with a cheap hotel room and one free dinner, going to Reno would still be pretty expensive.  What's closer, cheaper, and doesn't run on schedules? 

We decided on San Francisco.  I was a little reluctant at first, not knowing where to go or what to do.  I didn't even know what area to stay in to be close to the kinds of things we wanted to do.  Then I got an idea.  I know someone who knows San Francisco.  My cousin and her fiance' live there.  I figured that they would know where to stay, and help narrow down our to-do and to-see list. 

So I first talked to Val just to ask about things to do and where to stay.  Being just a few days in advance, the hotel rooms were all much more expensive than the cheap room we could have had in Reno.  Val and Buzz had a talk and offered us their guest room.  They had some plans for the weekend, but they would offer us advice, driving directions, and a place to stay. So, with plans made, what's left?  Laundry and packing! 

Friday afternoon the boys were dropped off with clothes, books, and a pile of other stuff that they decided they needed for a whole weekend.  E and I got out the door and on the road. 

We hit some traffic, and things with Maggie (my Magellan GPS) got a little bit tricky. . . but we got there!  After a quick welcome tour and freshening up, we were ready for dinner.  We decided to go to a popular local spot.  Dinner was on us in exchange for the place to stay, so we took their word on where to go.  If either of them ever tell you where to eat dinner, you should listen!  Wow.  It wasn't a quick bite to eat, but it was great!  

The next morning, the plan was to get up and get going early.  We didn't quite make it.  We got up, showered and dressed, but the idea of breakfast at another great place was too good to pass up.  Especially since it would put us exactly where we wanted to be for our first plan of the day.  Breakfast was just outside of the Presido. . . So after we were done, that's where we went.  We explored the old base, some of the buildings and learned a little about its history.  I could have stayed all day. . . but we had somewhere to be.  We bought tickets to the Walt Disney Family Museum.  It is located on the Presidio, which is why our brunch location was so perfect.  E and I both wanted to see and explore the history and artifacts that the museum held.  One downside is the "no pictures" rule.  And Val had some advice for me . . . to watch the time.  It really was easy to get lost in the exhibits!  Lots to see, read, watch, and do.  We spent much more time inside the exhibits than we meant to, but I think we both could have stayed longer.

We finally left, and  . . . got lost!  Doesn't everyone?  We ended up down by Fisherman's Wharf.  We walked a little bit, but I was *cold* out there!  It was cloudy, it was windy, and it was cold!  E was wearing short sleeves and didn't seem to care, but I couldn't handle it.  I saw a sign and ducked in to a shop.  I bought a gray fleece jacket.  I know, I know. . . what a tourist.  But I felt much better! 

We walked around, considered renting bikes, and talked about taking a ferry ride.  Instead of all that, we took a self-guided tour of the USS Pampanito.  It is a WWII-era submarine that is moored and open for tours.  You can't see everything, but we saw a lot . . .including the radio room!  Usually that is closed, but they were just finishing a test of all of the equipment.  It was very small and cramped.  Some of the equipment, and the style of the equipment looked familiar, but obviously way out of date.  It was exciting getting to see that, and the rest of the sub.  We saw equipment, berths, the tiny galley and mess area.  I thought it was pretty awesome, though I would much prefer an aircraft carrier over that tiny sub!  After the sub, we walked over to Pier 39, but weren't too excited.  There were SO many people it was hard to walk.  We were getting hungry, but didn't want anything that the pier had to offer.  We also wanted to get away from the crowd!  We ended up at a diner for dinner.  Full, warm, and tired, it was time to go.  We had a frightening (and hilarious) encounter with the "bush man" on the way, but eventually made it to the car.

We drove over the golden gate and stopped at a lookout.  After taking pictures, it was time to get out of the wind and get going.  Time to head back.  Before getting back to the house, we stopped at the Cliff House.  I had never heard of it before hearing stories from Buzz.  We first tried to look at what used to be the baths, but it was getting dark.  I didn't think it would be safe to walk all the way down.  I wanted to see the Cliff House, though.  We looked over the cliffs, took some pictures, and headed inside.  We got a table and read about the history of the Cliff House and the baths.  After a delicious slice of dessert, it was time to get back to the house.  I'd been cold most of the day and I was ready to relax. 

We recapped our day for Val and Buzz, and yes, relaxed.  E and I also decided to head out early in the morning, so it was definitely time for sleep! 

In the morning, we got up and started driving.  We had breakfast at a great little spot in Sausalito.  The last time I had been to Sausalito, I went by boat.  It lost something by car.  After breakfast, we started driving north.  It was supposed to be a scenic route.  Most of it was.  Beautiful.  We drove around the cliffs, stopped at a beach, and made it to Point Reyes.  Well, sort of.  We went to the visitor's center.  Once we found out that the lighthouse was 45 minutes out, though, we had to decide that we didn't have an hour and a half to spare.  We headed towards home.  But . . . what would a scenic route be without a detour?  Yes, we got lost.  Sort of. 

Finally, we made it home - to Mom and Dad's.  Stories were told about the weekend . . . and at last we got on our way.  It was important not to be too late getting home.  The next day was the first day of my externship. 

So, here's a photo recap of our weekend. . .

The Golden Gate Bridge, in the fog . . . walking along a beach just below the Presidio after breakfast.

Me, coming through a hatch on the USS Pampanito.  Back then, they really were knee-knockers.  I think it was easier for me to get through the hatch than anyone else I saw!

The hatch wasn't so easy for E!  Some things just aren't made for tall people!

Alcatraz, across the bay from the pier.

The lone sailor, at the lookout point that we stopped at.

An aircraft carrier with a plane taking off.  There was a bronze sculpture like this for each of the services who go to sea.  Wish I had taken a clearer picture of the plaque that told the story.   Basically, passing this lookout point is the last place where a sailor can still look back as they go out to sea. . . it sounded better on the plaque, but that's pretty close.

Finally!  We got someone to take pictures of me and E.  None of them turned out really well, but this was the best.  And what's behind us?  Gray.  Fog.  In July!  Yeah, yeah.  That's San Francisco.  At least I didn't have to take the dreaded self-portrait holding the camera out in front of us!

More Vacation Pictures!

Whew!  What a trip it was  . . .

So, there's no pictures of our visit with K and S, and all of the pictures of our time in Ventura are on Dad's camera.  I also missed taking pictures of my crazy kids chasing the birds.  Oh, well.  There will be more cute / crazy things next time, and I'll have my camera ready.  

Z, with a nice frosty drink, looking at the ocean.

On the bumper cars . . . finally!

Whee!  He had so much fun, I enjoyed just watching him ride around and go in circles!

This just got me.  Really . . . a designated smoking area.  You're outside, and fishing.  Does someone not realize that the air does not stay within this nice little boundary line? 

Grandpa and his boys on the pier . . . this is almost to the end, looking back at the main area.  There are at least five shots, and not one that has everyone looking at the camera.  I take what I can get.  

Yep.  Here's where we were.  . .

J, sleeping in the hotel that night.  This is pretty much how he slept every night of the vacation, though . . . and why he slept alone. 

Z, in bed at the hotel.  Sure looks cute.  But he does take up some room.  Why didn't we get three beds?  Can't sleep with sideways J . . . and trying to share with Z didn't go so well, either.  Rolls over and over, and he's either too close, or he's over a little bit, but shoving and kicking.  Yes, I was very happy to get back to my own bed!

More Disneyland Pictures

I'm never very good at these self-portraits . . . But here we are on the teacups.  It's somewhere around 2 or 3 in the afternoon, and I had been up since 3:15 am.  The boys did great that first day.

Yes, the boys did great that first long day -- up early, driving all day, etc.  No meltdowns at all.  Apparently, though, Z wasn't very in to the parade.  I was diggin' it, and J thought it was cool, but here is Z, not paying attention to a thing . . . sunglasses, cheetos face, and frozen drink.  Can't even tell by looking that it's his first day at Disneyland.  Punk.

J and Z, with Winnie the Pooh.  I feel a little bad that we didn't get more characters, but each time we were either on our way somewhere, or there was a huge line already.  It also wasn't a priority.  Pooh and Tigger were together, then there was Woody and Jessie, and Mickey Mouse, of course.  The sights and the rides (and naptimes) were more important.

J, trying to open the un-openable door in Toontown.

Disneyland, in pictures

I think it's a rule . . . don't you have to take a picture of the Mickey?  I did. 

This is the parade we saw on the first day.  Jut me, dad, and the boys.  They were stopped in front of us, dancing and "Celebrating" for at least 15 minutes.  Great parade!

The parade from the first day . . . Singing, Dancing, and more characters than I've ever seen at one time.  It was awesome! 

Here's Dad and Z, the first time that we went on the Storybook ride.  He was a little nervous about the boat, and wanted to sit with his Grandpa. 

Z and Jessie the Cowgirl.  Toy Story, in case you're confused.

J and Sheriff Woody.

Me, Auntie M, Z, and J . . . Oh, yeah, Tigger, too.  Best picture of the whole vacation!

Oxnard, Ventura, and the long way home . . .

Yep.  Oxnard.  Never been there before, but K and S had just moved there. 

K was the first female friend I had when I moved to San Diego.  We were stationed together at FACSFAC when I was pregnant.  Then she got out, and her hubby stayed in.  And they got new orders and moved away.  Who was excited when orders brought them back to SD again?  Me!  She's one of those people (I have quite a few) who will always be a close family friend.  I can talk to her about anything . . . and even if it's two years until the next time I see her, I'm sure I'll still feel the same. 

Okay, enough history. 

I was a little bit nervous about how the boys would do on this visit.  They got excited in the car, but really . . . two years.  Would they remember her and her kids?  Answer: yes! 

The kids all ran and played, having a great time.  K, S, and I caught up, chatted and visited.  Two hours passed and it seemed like twenty minutes.  But it was time to go.  It wasn't easy rounding up the boys, but after all the goodbyes, we got everyone back in the car.  As we were pulling away, Dad asked me if I had my camera.  Yeah, in my purse, why?  *Gasp*  OMG, we were there two hours and I didn't take a single picture!?  Big regret!  Next time, right?  The kids will be bigger, but we'll do it again. 

Okay, on the road again . . . Next stop:  Ventura.  What's in Ventura?  My aunt and uncle.  They live there, on their boat.  A little bit sad for my dad, I think . . . because it was his dream to live on a boat, too.  But he still enjoys theirs when he can. 

We put lifejackets on the boys, and went over the rules.  No running, no jumping, and don't touch anything!  Okay, let's go.  We had to hang out a bit and wait for Aunt C to get "home" from work so we could have dinner.  When she got back, we got ready for dinner.  In the car, you ask?  Nope.  A tender ride across the harbor.  I'm sure Dad's blood pressure dropped the moment he got out of the car at the marina.  The ride must have put him in heaven.  I know I felt good. 

After dinner, we rode back across the harbor.  It was getting dark, and cold.  But still a great ride.  The boys had a little dessert, and we watched the beginning part of a movie.  Dad took us to a hotel across the parking lot where I settled the boys down. . . and he went back to sleep on the boat.  I got kicked all night, and he probably slept better than he had in weeks.

What a great day!

Okay, so I didn't sleep so well . . . but I was comfy and relaxed, and woke up early enough to shower while the boys were still sleeping.  Then I sat outside the room reading . . . relaxing because I knew that today might not go so well. 

Honestly?  Not as bad as I thought.  We got bored.  We had to stop a few times.  And we ran out of books and toys and had to turn on the DVD player.  But we made it back to M & D's house at last. 

I unloaded the car and got ready to load up mine and go.  I was ready to get to my house.  But in our family, there is always a snag at the end of a vacation.  My car wouldn't start.  Really, not joking.  We figured out that it was the battery.  Nothing was left on, but it was a five year old battery.  It was used to running every day, and sitting for a week just did not agree with it. 

What did we do?  Well, E was at Mom and Dad's house waiting for us to get back.  There was a lot of stress in both of our lives before the vacation, and the separation was tough, so it was good to see him and feel like everything was okay.  So we loaded in to his car and went home.  Vacation:  over. 

Disneyland . . . Over

I was bummed when it was over, but so it goes.  Every vacation must end. 

We cleaned up, packed up, and loaded up.  All checked out and back in the car, we said goodbye to Mom / Grandma.  She got on the airport shuttle and we headed off for another adventure. 

From Anaheim, we went to Santa Monica.  I'm sure glad Dad was driving!  Our stop was at the Santa Monica Pier.  The boys were so excited!  There was a beach, rides, games, and so much to see!

We walked along the pier, looking at the souvenirs and craftspeople.  We walked all the way to the end of the pier.  We saw people fishing . . .  Okay, lame joke time.  Dad said "Somebody kicked the bucket" . . . I'm thinking "OMG, there's a dead person here?  We're leaving" . . . But, no.  There was a bucket floating in the water off the end of the pier. 

I thought it would be fun to ride the Ferris Wheel, but there would be no way that Z would do it.  What's the one kid ride that we didn't get to go on?  The bumper cars.  Once we got out of line because of the age restrictions, then it broke down . . .  So we got tickets to let the boys ride bumper cars on the pier.  When that was over, we decided to play a game, too.  Whack-a-mole it was.  And I did.  I guess it doesn't matter who won, because it was only the three of us playing. . . But there was a big stuffed dog at the end.  What do you do with one stuffed dog and two kids?  Well, someone has a fit, obviously.  But it really wasn't fair, so I gave in and we all played again.  So both boys have a stuffed dog from the Santa Monica pier.  No shot glasses, no magnets.  Just a few pictures and two stuffed dogs. 

One other highlight before we got in the car:  the birds.  No, they didn't sh*t on us . . . but the boys got such a high out of chasing them, it was hilarious.  Like they've never seen a bird before?  Or it's just so exciting to run straight at one until it makes a noise and flies away.  It was time to stop because people were looking at us like weirdos whose kids have never seen a bird before. 

Back in the car.  Next stop:  Oxnard, since it's on the way.  We were going to see K, S, and their kids.  I had wanted to visit some of my San Diego friends, thinking it was perfect.  Disneyland is only three hours away.  We weren't going an extra three hours.  But what timing, that K&S had just moved. 

Janis, do you have directions?  Sure, right here.  Okay, call her and let her know we're on our way.  Um, oops.  Had to get creative with that one. . . . and then tell the boys! 

Disneyland, Day Four

Yes, I know . . . it was three months ago.  I hope you're not still on the edge of your seats. 

Recap?  Okay . . . Day One was driving, Day Two was eaten up by naps and temper tantrums, and Day three - more naps, and then puking at Disneyland.  I was frustrated, and angry.  It was no one's fault, but I felt like "This vacation is taking shots at me, and somewhere, laughing about it."  I chuckle now, going back to what I said late late in that blog on Day three, but it was a tough day.

Day four, much better.  Three months later, I can't give you a play by play, but it got much better.  I was able to get over (most of) the bitterness I was carrying around.  We had pictures taken, finally made it to Toon Town, and did loads of other stuff on my list.  I don't think it was on anyone else's list, but I wanted to go to the Tiki Room.  The boys and I listen to the song all the time, so I think it was exciting for them to get to see it.  The boys still had to take a nap, but I was able to (finally) get on Indiana Jones. 

After the boys' nap, we went back to the park . . . and did our end of vacation shopping.  Jacket, shirt, hat, and a stuffed animal . . . for everyone!  Mom decided to take all of the goodies back to the hotel, and even though I had a bit of an upset stomach, Dad and I stayed with the boys.  No, you don't get all of the details.  It was three months ago.  After we were done, though, we headed to New Orleans.  Earlier in the day, the Pirates of the Carribbean was closed.  Now it was open, with TEN minutes' wait time.  We jumped in line.  I was a little bit nervous for Z, but he sat between dad and I, and did great!  By the time we were done, it was getting darker.  We decided not to stay for the show in New Orleans.  There was just nowhere to be. 

We went, instead, to Fantasyland.  And what a great idea!  I wanted to see the Storybook ride at night.  They told us, in line, that if you're on the boat when the fireworks start, the boat stops and you stay.  Dad and I hesitated.  When we were in the front of the line, we stepped off to the side.  And jumped on the last boat.  We barely pulled away from the loading dock when the fireworks started.  We were sitting down.  There were no crowds, no trees.  A perfect view.  When it was over, we got to finish the ride, which was beautiful at night. 

Time to book it back to the shuttle.  We made it with a few minutes to spare.  What a great night, and a great ending to the vacation!  There were a few things I didn't get to do (like the Haunted Mansion and Space Mountain), a few things we never saw (like California Adventure) . . . but we did a lot in four days, especially considering the naps, tantrums, and bedtimes that we had to schedule around!

Whew!  Time to pack up and head home . . . with a few detours. 

Disneyland, Day Three

Whew!  What a day . . . there was good stuff in there, but like day two, it ended badly.  I had thought that things would get better . . . there's still time for improvement, though. 

I stayed up last night to wait for Z to come back from his late night and watching the fireworks.  He had a ton of fun, but by the time he came back, got dressed, and fell asleep, it was just before 11 pm!   Because it was so late, I did not want to wake him up in the morning.  I thought it would be best to let him sleep in. 

The down side of sleeping in?  We get to Disneyland later . . .  when there's more people, and not as much time before naptime.  Yep, there was naptime again on day three.  We did get some good fun stuff in before - but also a few meltdowns.  I left with the boys to come back to the hotel at 1:45.  We stopped to go to the bathroom, had to fight crowds, and just barely made it to the 2:15 bus.  We got to the hotel room, took off our shoes, and the boys went to sleep.   

After an hour and a half, it was time to get up, ready, and get back to the shuttle bus.  We headed over to California Adventure, where everyone else was hanging out.  On the way in, we were given a stroller by someone who was leaving.  I thought it might come in handy if we were staying late, but I also wish they had double strollers.  Do you believe that they don't?  Anyway. . . 

We went in and headed to "A Bug's Land" which was cute.  Everything was gigantic.  But also, from my point of view, a bit lame.  The caterpillar ride was about thirty seconds long, and only went in a circle.  Took longer to load and unload than it did to ride.  We did the ladybug thing, and then everyone made it over from the other end of the park.  We did one more ride, but there were tantrums and meltdowns in the line for it, and in line for the ladybug ride.  I was pretty much done, but I will say that having Mom and MG there helped a lot.  They helped to settle the boys down and tried to make them happy.  J was not just being naughty, but also sad.  He had complained of a headache, but I thought it was a combination of being tired and hot.  One way to make them happy was to go on the bumper car ride.  I couldn't take them because an unaccompanied rider must be 7 years old, and there would be no way I would leave one of the boys alone to ride with the other one.  So we waited in the line.  We made it all the way to the front.  We were in the next group of people to go . . . and then the ride broke.  Great.  Oh, well.  Time for a bathroom break, and then we thought we'd head to find some dinner.  M& J had already eaten, so we parted ways. 

We headed out of A Bug's Land. . . stopped when we got to the main walkway and J sat down on a bench and started to cry.  I heard Dad ask him what was wrong . . . "My throat hurts" he said . . . and a few seconds later, he started puking.  Oh, jeez.  Seriously?  He didn't have a snack, and we haven't had dinner yet.  No fever, nothing wrong with him . . . except for that headache.  Well, we wiped his face, he rinsed his mouth with water, and it was time to go.  Cleanup, aisle J.  Bring a hose, please . . .  

We were a bit early for the next shuttle back to the hotel, but waiting was better than getting sick inside Disneyland again!  Mom turned in her wheelchair, and I passed the stroller off to someone just coming in the park.  We made it to the shuttle stop with about a half an hour to wait.  He was given a plastic bag, and for most of the wait time, we were away from the rest of the group.  Hmm, maybe it's a good thing we never made it on the bumper cars!  Auntie M sure thinks so, because she was going to ride with him!

It was 8:15 when we got back to the hotel.  Time to settle them down, make sure he's all right.  Well, he wasn't.  Got sick again.  Settled down, finally, and put a movie on my laptop.

Dad came over to help and make sure we were all right, but I wasn't.  Want the truth?  I cried.  I made sure that I told Jacob I wasn't upset with him.  It was not his fault that we got sick.  But seriously?  This vacation is taking shots at me, and somewhere, laughing about it.  Between the naps, the tantrums, the fights in line, and now puking, I was having an awful time, and hardly getting to do anything.  Aside from all of that, I miss E.  We're having a tough time with all of the stress he's going through and this separation.  I didn't mean to do it in front of the kids, but I think I needed to cry.   Okay . . .   Breathe in, breathe out. 

Day three:  Over.  And oh, please let tomorrow be better!  Let him rest, and not still be sick in the morning - or in the middle of the night!  Can we also have fun tomorrow?  Less fighting, less whining, and maybe I'll even get to stay past 7:30??  Thanks . . .